[Love In Lines] When You’re In Love With Your Best Friend – Tan Lili

Do you jump headfirst into a relationship or do you take time to build your friendship first? Tan Lili opts for the latter, but she reckons it shouldn’t matter either way.

As a writer and a reader, one of my biggest pet peeves is presumptuous writing. Very rarely do articles like “10 Signs She’s Wifey Material”, “30 Things You MUST Do By 30” and “Why You Should NEVER Date An Ex” paint an objective picture as they tend to be self-indulgent and filled with one-sided drivel. It’s one thing to motivate readers to better their lives, but quite another to unnecessarily plant a seed of doubt in their minds – and those articles have an inclination to veer towards the latter.

The most befuddling part to me, though, is that they often go viral and are well-received by majority of their readers.

ANYWAY.

A friend recently showed me one such article. It listed down 10 reasons why it’s a terrible idea to marry your best friend. One of the reasons: You’d likely just be settling for a safe option, secure in the assurance that he would never let you down. (It was written by a relationship counsellor, mind you.) And for reasons I would probably never be able to comprehend, my friend actually agreed with everything the writer said.

“Do you think you settled down too early?” she began. “When things get too comfortable between two lovers, the passion will fade and, eventually, all that’s left is friendship. And hey, weren’t you and Terry friends for nearly two years before you got together? Do you think that makes you guys even more susceptible to falling back into old patterns and seeing each other as just friends?”

To my friend’s defense, her intentions were non-malicious because she’s always been an inquisitive character. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t slightly miffed by her line of questioning.

Because what’s wrong with taking time to invest in the friendship first? Call me old-fashioned, but for me, I’d rather have that rock-solid foundation upon which you build your relationship. As Vanessa very sagely added last night, the alternative would be to dive headfirst into the fiery romance then work on the friendship later – but when you take away the passion, what’s left?

In the same vein, I chanced upon a Reddit thread about a guy who went around the world to interview couples about love, and one of the biggest takeaways he gained was this: that the most madly-in-love long-term relationships are those built on friendship.

My boyfriend and I did start out as platonic friends, but somewhere along our friendship, the line blurred. Granted, it took us nearly two years of mindfuckery to decide that our feelings are mutual, but it was also during those two years that we got to know and genuinely like each other as buddies. And that – realising that he’s your perfect partner – is the best thing about falling in love with your best friend. Throw in romance and passion and, yes, definitely sex, it becomes a whole new level of amazing.

Of course, the world is not black and white. I know of so many friends who were lovers first before they became friends, and they sure aren’t any less committed to each other than any other couple who started out otherwise. When there are so many variables involved – your personality, your beliefs, your present psyche – what works for one couple may not work for another. My personal preferences may change in the future, but for now, I honestly do not see anything wrong with being in love with my best friend.

I suppose that’s what makes love so beautiful, isn’t it? There’s no one mould into which every couple fits; the way you start your relationship is irrelevant because, to quote Neil Gaiman, sometimes when you fall, you fly.

Love In Lines is a special under the Relationship section of Material World. The four founders each takes a week in a month to talk about dealing with love from different perspectives. Founder Tan Lili talks about building long-term relationships and the highs and lows of being in one. Stay tuned for more!

About The Author: A founder of Material World, Tan Lili has previously worked in magazines The Singapore Women’s Weekly and Cosmopolitan Singapore, as well as herworld.com (now herworldplus.com, the online counterpart of Her World). She is now a freelance writer who works on this website full-time. Lili hopes to travel the world, work with wild animals, and discover more awesome Twilight fan-fiction. 

This Article Will Change The Way You Look At Yourself – Deborah Tan

Because we are certain everyone has an inspiring story waiting to be discovered, the team at Material World decides today to share their individual UNTOLD story.

In the last 3 weeks, Material World highlighted 3 women who shared their UNTOLD stories. Today, the team would like to share our UNTOLD stories to demonstrate that no story is too insignificant and no lesson too small to inspire. If you feel inspired to share your UNTOLD story after this, email it to us at general@materialworld.com.sg . We look forward to reading your story too!

Denise Li
The first impression Denise gives people is that of a tough lady who can punch the living daylights out of both men and women. Truth is, martial arts was a relatively recent discovery for her. Below, she talks about how it changed her life … for the better.

Denise (in blue) at her first boxing match.

“A few years ago, I found myself drinking quite a bit on a regular basis, and I knew, deep down, that the drinking was a coping mechanism for the constant worrier in me. When I drank, I felt lighter, happier, and freer. In short, I drank to escape from my problems.

One hungover Saturday morning as I struggled to recover from a raging hangover, I realized that I was sick of relying on alcohol as a crutch. I decided that I needed to channel all that nervous energy into a healthier habit. Two days later, I found myself signing up with a muay thai gym, and I never looked back.

Now, five years on, martial arts is at the core of my existence. From muay thai, I moved onto boxing, and recently started MMA. Martial arts has taught me discipline, perseverance and, most importantly, the importance of keeping calm under pressure. I have a much better handle on stress and anxiety, and though I still enjoy the odd tipple every now and then, I no longer feel the need to binge-drink. Now, whenever I’m angry or stressed, I head to the gym. There’s nothing a gruelling workout can’t fix!”

 

Lili Tan
The statuesque Lili has a figure that many envy but did you know that in her teenage years, she was often mocked by classmates for being overweight. Today, she is a regular at run events and she actually loves running. Read on to find out what she has to say.

Lili (second from left) beams with pride after the Sundown Marathon.

“Back in secondary school, I was bullied for being overweight. I remember dreading the TAF (Trim & Fit) Club sessions – us overweight kids stood at the back of our respective classes during assembly once a week so we could adjourn to the exercise venue while the rest of our classmates continued to read “silently”. Every time we broke away from our classes, a gulf of shame and hurt would wash over me, no thanks to insensitive schoolmates who would openly mock us. My self-esteem was at its lowest.

Right after graduation, I figured tertiary life was the perfect chance for me to start anew. Over years of hard work and determination, I managed to shed the excess kilos. It wasn’t a massive transformation but it was enough to shock old friends that I bumped into on the streets.

Even though I have come to accept that teenagers are just prone to silly, insensitive acts, those jibes and insults stuck with me – and I guess this is why they say revenge is sweet: it always feels SO GOOD seeing ex-schoolmates stumped and speechless when they see how I look today. But, the strength you gain from a horrible experience is infinitely sweeter.”

 

Vanessa Tai
Nothing cheers Vanessa up like a good session of karaoke! The girl belts out both Cantonese and English songs with gusto. But she wasn’t always so confident with the microphone. She tells us her story.

Vanessa is no longer afraid to show off her vocal prowess!

“Most of my friends know I absolutely love singing but not many people know that I used to be extremely self-conscious about my singing voice. That’s because of an insensitive teacher in primary school who told me that I was tone deaf. Since then, I avoided singing in public as much as possible, feeling mortified whenever I hear my singing voice.

While I toyed with the idea of taking vocal lessons, I kept putting it off because I didn’t want to be embarrassed. Finally, fed up with my endless whinging, my mum signed me up for vocal lessons. The first semester was particular trying; it was hard to ignore the shame I was made to feel about my singing as a kid. However, under the patient and encouraging tutelage of my then-vocal coach, my confidence grew.

It’s now been two years since I first enrolled and I’ve recently graduated. While I’m no Adele, I’m definitely way more confident about singing in public now. What I’ve learned from this experience is that people (even people we respect or trust) are going to throw hurtful remarks at us all the time. The difference is whether we choose to wallow in it or find some way to triumph over it.”

 

Deborah Tan
As the former editor of two magazines, one would think Deborah was an ace in English back in school. The truth, however, cannot be further away … 

Deborah (far right) on her last day with her team from Cosmopolitan.

“When I was in school, my teachers never made me forget that my English was appalling. It was true. Grammar was a challenge and no one thought I’d be capable of passing English. Although I had – by some stroke of luck – scored an A1 at the O Levels (my teachers ‘projected’ that the best I could do was a C5), I had a C6 for General Paper at the A Levels. In the first week of my freshman year at university, I had to sit for an English proficiency test to prove that I could actually speak and write in English.

It seems ironic that I had been able to carve a great career for myself in publishing and am now making a living out of writing.

When people say you need a natural flair in languages to be good at them, they are wrong. You can train and teach yourself to be good at English – in fact, be good at ANYTHING. All you need is an insane amount of willpower and focus. One of my techniques is: when I read a book and I stumble upon an interesting grammar ‘law’, I would make a mental note and look for other instances where it is used in the same way. Then, I would try to incorporate it into my writing the next time and keep using it until I’m familiar with the way it works.

What this has taught me about Life is that if you allow someone to define you, you’ll always be limited by them. I don’t let anyone tell me who I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to do. I call the shots.”

Watch all 3 episodes of “Her UNTOLD Story” here and find out how you can win a $400 Elizabeth Arden hamper by sharing your very own UNTOLD story.  

 

About The Author: Deborah Tan is a founder of Material World. After 10 years of working in magazines Cleo and Cosmopolitan Singapore, she is now a freelance writer/editor who works on this website full-time. She believes every one can create a more awesome life for themselves. Follow her on Twitter @DebTanTweets.

 

[Love In Lines] Is It Acceptable To Flirt When You’re Attached? – Tan Lili

Founder Lili’s stance on the subject: HELL, YEAH. In this week’s Love In Lines, she explains why it’s healthy to flirt outside your relationship, and where you ought to draw the line.

I should probably begin with this disclaimer: I’m happily attached, and I absolutely condemn cheating.

Having said that, I do think it’s perfectly normal – healthy, even – to flirt outside your relationship. But what constitutes flirting, exactly? Is the classic hair flip too subtle? Does maintaining eye contact count? Do I have to get touchy-feely with him to get my message across? Should I buy him a drink? Is making bold, suggestive moves pushing it? Admittedly, my definition of flirting is going to sound very chaste. I have only dated one guy since I was 19, so my flirting methods are embarrassingly outdated and awkward. But that’s fine, because everyone’s reaction to flirting is different – which also means we all set different boundaries when it comes to flirting. It’s subjective, it’s fun, it’s encouraged.

This is a picture of cardinal sin, according to some.

As for flirting with others when you’re already in a committed relationship, however, that’s where the lines are often blurred. Some people think the mere act of flirting – even if it is something as innocuous as paying a stranger a compliment – is a form of cheating. They believe there must be some underlying problems in your relationship, that you must not love your partner like you think you do if you so much as lock gazes with a hot guy at a bar.

I beg to differ.

I love my boyfriend. There is no doubt in my heart that he’s the one I want to grow old with. When I awkwardly flirt with others, the interaction between me and them is always short-lived; I have zero interest nor intention of taking it any further. But, I do know of attached friends who make a conscious effort to know the recipients of their flirting attempts. And therein lies the definitive question that sets harmless flirting apart from, well, flirting with danger: Why do you do it?

How you flirt is irrelevant; but if you flirt with intent, that changes things altogether. Here’s the definition of flirting with intent, according to relationships expert Jenni Trent Hughes:

Flirting with intent is the art of showing someone what you appreciate and like about them while introducing the possibility of a sexual element to the relationship. If you’re in a relationship … be honest with yourself that you aren’t pretending to be innocent when there is lightly veiled intent. There’s nothing more repulsive than someone slobbering in your ear, murmuring, ‘If only I weren’t married.’”

So, it all boils down to the intent. Whether or not you are actually going to act on your intentions, the deed is done – you’d have already led another guy on and, at the same time, disrespected your partner. With innocent flirting, on the other hand, you are well aware of your boundaries. In fact, harmless teasing outside your relationship can be good for you and him. Here are some reasons why:

1. It boosts your confidence, making you feel sexier in your relationship

Especially for those of you who have been in a relationship for eons, the knowledge that others find you desirable is unnecessary but totally welcomed all the same. To put it bluntly, girl, you’ve still got it!

2. It shows complete trust in each other

The confidence with which you flirt is actually pretty revealing about the strength – not weakness – of your relationship. You both know your limits as well as where your hearts belong.

3. It brings out the natural flirt in you … for when you next meet your partner

Channel all that positive energy that comes with flirting into your relationship. It’s a win-win. More importantly, healthy flirting with others reminds you the kind of flirting you’re most comfortable with – with each other. The best part? With your man, you can freely act on your intentions and unleash your flirting prowess on him. Nothing beats knowing that, after so many years of being attached, you’ve still got what it takes to make your partner go weak at the knees.

Love In Lines is a special under the Relationship section of Material World. The four founders each takes a week in a month to talk about dealing with love from different perspectives. Founder Tan Lili talks about building long-term relationships and the highs and lows of being in one. Stay tuned for more! 

About The Author: A founder of Material World, Tan Lili has previously worked in magazines The Singapore Women’s Weekly and Cosmopolitan Singapore, as well as herworld.com (now herworldplus.com, the online counterpart of Her World). She is now a freelance writer who works on this website full-time. Lili hopes to travel the world, work with wild animals, and discover more awesome Twilight fan-fiction. Follow her on Twitter @TanLiliTweets.

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[Infographic] 10 Ways To Be F**king Awesome – Tan Lili

Appalled by Dove’s latest survey results, founder Lili reckons it’s high time we do something about our alarmingly low level of self-esteem.

“Okay, tell me honestly,” Debs started, “Do you think you are beautiful?”

Without missing a beat, Vanessa and I replied, “No.”

That was two days ago when Debs was working on her infographic based on Dove’s survey results. Even though we’d both said no, we were shocked to find out 98 percent of Singaporean women feel the same about themselves.

I would like to believe in my own ideals that beauty goes beyond physical attractiveness, and that when we feel beautiful, we will be. It’s easier said than done, no doubt. I’ve been grappling with self-esteem issues ever since I had my growth spurt at 13 but, even though some problems seem harder to chase away, I’m glad to report that I’ve gotten past most of my body hang-ups. My trick? Don’t focus on the bad; strive to be a stronger version of yourself instead.

To me, beauty – aka being f**king awesome – is all of these 10 things combined. It’s a constant work in progress, but one that will help you grow your confidence along the way.

About The Author: A founder of Material World, Tan Lili has previously worked in magazines The Singapore Women’s Weekly and Cosmopolitan Singapore, as well as herworld.com (now herworldplus.com, the online counterpart of Her World). She is now a freelance writer who works on this website full-time. Lili hopes to travel the world, work with wild animals, and discover more awesome Twilight fan-fiction. Follow her on Twitter @TanLiliTweets.

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[Material World x Breathe Pilates] Nipped In The Butt – Tan Lili

Okay, first of all, the error in the headline is intentional; former sub-editor Lili knows the word should be “bud”, not “butt”. So why did she choose to paint such a horrifying picture of getting bitten in the backside?And what does that have to do with Pilates? Read on.

Ever since I was diagnosed with degenerative disc disease six months ago, I’ve been living with lower back pain. It isn’t as serious as it sounds, really. On most days, the pain is bearable, if not negligible. But when the pain flares up because of something I did – which would make me wonder, belatedly, about my masochistic tendencies – it really hurts.

My doctor suggested I go for physiotherapy but, alas, my bank account doesn’t agree. I was also rather sceptical about how effective physiotherapy would be, what with the minimal movement involved. Or so I thought.

During my private Clinical Pilates session at Breathe Pilates last week, I had my first taste of what physiotherapy entails. My friendly physiotherapist goes by the name of Jon, who’s also an accredited rehab trainer and corrective exercise specialist. The session kicked off with Jon asking me questions about my back condition, then he had me do some easy stretches and bends while he analysed my movement, from which he gathered my upper back muscles were stiff and that I relied heavily on my lower back.

Next, Jon got me to lie down on the Cadillac, which is this monstrosity of a Pilates machine:

After some prodding and more bending, he managed to pinpoint the source of my lower back pain. Turns out, my back condition is a result of my very weak right gluteus medius. Yes, my butt muscles. To prove his theory, Jon made me do some basic tests, all of which showed the rigidity of my right gluteus medius.

Some simple bends to analyse my range of motions.

Now that we’ve isolated the source of my problem, we moved on to the therapy. Using the resistance band on the Cadillac, I did a series of stretch exercises on my right leg. The tightness I felt while stretching was uncomfortable but still tolerable.

And then came the last exercise: I pulled my right knee towards my chest, and Jon applied pressure on my leg to further loosen up my hip muscles. I dare say I have a high pain threshold, but the moment he did that, I nearly cried. Don’t expect Jon to take pity on you, because even when I was wheezing and whining, he pressed down even harder. By the time that was over, I was a perspiring, trembling mess.

Next, Jon moved my right leg again. Where it was inflexible a while ago, my right leg had a markedly wider range of motion this time around. He also had me do the same basic stretches and bends that I did at the beginning. Before, when I did the backward bend, Jon noticed I relied solely on my lower back muscles to do the work. After the therapy, however, I engaged my upper back muscles as well, which lifted the strain off my lower back. Colour me impressed!

The session ended with Jon giving me some homework – I have to regularly do three simple moves that help loosen up my hip.

One of the moves I have to regularly do at home.

With their team of healthcare professionals, like Jon, and their all-rounded approach to health and wellness, they look into your underlying medical conditions before coming up with an appropriate movement therapy that best suits your needs. After just one session, I experienced first-hand the effectiveness of clinical Pilates – though I truly wanted to cry at one point. But as they say, no pain, no gain!

Classes, from $31 each, are on a one-to-one basis and up to five in one group. Breathe Pilates is located at #09-33 Novena Medical Center, 10 Sinaran Drive; and #02-05/06/07 Tides, 217 East Coast Road. For more information or to make an appointment, call 9835 5683, email info@breathepilates.com.sg, or visit www.breathepilates.com.sg.

Breathe Pilates worked with Material World for this post for a review of Breathe Pilates. All opinions are author’s own. 

Beauty Review: Sulwhasoo Snowise Whitening Essence BB & UV Compact – Tan Lili

Sulwhasoo has recently introduced two new makeup products to its Snowise Whitening line – Snowise Whitening Essence BB and Snowise Whitening UV Compact. Lili puts the products to the test.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve never wanted to have skin as white as snow. My ideal complexion is something like Jessica Alba’s – smooth and clear with a healthy-looking sun-kissed glow. But of course, reality is often bitter; my skin is dehydrated and has strong yellow undertones, which makes it look dull and rather sun-dried.

When I received the new Sulwhasoo Whitening makeup products, I figured I ought to give them a shot despite their whitening claims because, hey, better fair than dull, right?

Sulwhasoo Snowise Whitening Essence BB (30ml, $74)

Sulwhasoo Snowise Whitening Essence BB (30ml, $74)

This serum-based BB cream provides sheer coverage and leaves the skin looking radiant, thanks to its light-reflecting powder. Apart from its colour-correcting properties, the Snowise Whitening Essence BB also has skin-loving benefits. Featuring the Tri-White Complex, which shares 46 percent of Sulwhasoo’s star product Snowise EX Whitening Serum, the BB cream is said to block UV rays and infra-red rays; prevent pigmentation and glycation; as well as reduce skin dullness. It’s available in two shades: No. 1 (bright) and No. 2 (natural).

My Review

Most BB creams I’ve tried often leave my face looking three shades lighter than my neck – yes, even those that come in different shades. The Snowise Whitening Essence BB in No. 2, however, blends well with my skin tone and gives my complexion a natural-looking finish. It also effectively minimises the appearance of my pores, which makes me very, very happy.

Before (left) and after applying the Snowise Whitening Essence BB.

I wish it had a better hydrating effect, though. Its serum-based texture is quite easily absorbed by the skin, but on dry skins like mine, it takes slightly longer. If you have combination or oily skin and are after a matte finish, this is definitely for you.

Sulwhasoo Snowise Whitening UV Compact (9g, $74)

Sulwhasoo Snowise UV Compact (9g, $74)

This compact powder contains White Balance Powder, a formula that helps retain moisture on the surface of the skin while keeping your sebum production in check. It’s also got other ingredients to brighten the skin tone as well as minimise the appearance of pores and wrinkles. Coupled with its high SPF sun protection (SPF 50+/PA+++), the Snowise Whitening UV Compact is recommended for women who are always on the go or enjoy being outdoors.

My Review

Because the powder comprises 40-percent finer and clearer particles, it doesn’t cake up on my dry skin – a big plus point for me! I also like that it provides very sheer coverage. The powder is barely visible when you first apply it on your skin, yet it instantly brightens your complexion and minimises the appearance of pores.

I applied the Snowise Whitening UV Compact after the Essence BB. Yay to brightened – not fairer – complexion!

This post is in no way paid for or advised by Sulwhasoo. The writer was given the Snowise Whitening Essence BB and Snowise Whitening UV Compact for review purposes. You may read our advertising policy here. Sulwhasoo Snowise Whitening Essence BB and Snowise Whitening UV Compact are available at TANGS Orchard & VivoCity, Takashimaya Departmental Store, and Robinsons Orchard. 

About The Author: A founder of Material World, Tan Lili has previously worked in magazines The Singapore Women’s Weekly and Cosmopolitan Singapore, as well as herworld.com (now herworldplus.com, the online counterpart of Her World). She is now a freelance writer who works on this website full-time. Lili hopes to travel the world, work with wild animals, and discover more awesome Twilight fan-fiction. Follow her on Twitter @TanLiliTweets. 

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Are You Being Critical Or Are You Looking For Flaws? – Tan Lili

Fact: Being hypercritical does a whole lot more harm than good. Here’s why.

Go on to Facebook and take a look at the comments posted on any of the links shared by a media outlet. How many of them are thinly-veiled (if at all) criticisms? Be it about an upcoming movie adaptation of a kickass book, a call for action against global warming, or the debate between science and religion, there’s always something to pick on. In today’s Internet culture, our hypercritical approach has become socially acceptable – and that is causing a huge problem.

I’m not saying we should live in la-la land filled with rainbows and unicorns. We need to be able to discern the good from the bad; it’s called self-preservation. I’m not saying to remove our critical lens altogether, either. Constructive criticism – critical suggestions that add value, encourage a positive change, and inspire intelligent discourse – is always welcomed. The line blurs in today’s hypercritical culture in which, more often than not, we criticise for the sake of criticising. Even a seemingly harmless situation gets nitpicked just because we can.

And here is where the main problem lies: Rather than seeing both sides of the story, we lose perspective as we develop tunnel vision. We become so obsessed with finding and playing up the flaws that we are inadvertently trapping ourselves in a bubble – along with other likeminded individuals with whom we have formed a bond when we first made our assertions about a certain subject matter. Within this bubble, our perceived truth is based on beliefs, not facts; anything outside of the bubble – even facts – is irrelevant. Of course, an even bigger problem arises when we try to impose our beliefs on others.

Blame this on the scientific wiring of our brain, if you will.

According to Loretta Graziano Breuning, Ph.D., author of Beyond Cynical: Transcend Your Mammalian Negativity, when something riles you up, it activates a certain circuit in your brain. “When you see familiar problems, your brain lights up effortlessly because your past cortisol paved those neural pathways,” says Breuning. “Activating the same circuit over and over builds it up to the point where it activates easily. It takes effort to activate new circuits, that’s why so many people are in the habit of focusing on their usual critiques and ignoring the rest of the story.”

Translation: Most of the so-called flaws that incite our inner hypercritics are what we ourselves have created in our own brain. Because of those conditioned neural pathways, we choose to see what we want to see and filter out the rest of the potentially educational information.

At the end of the day, we are all entitled to our own opinion. In fact, never mind that by being hypercritical, we are essentially limiting our own growth. But if you had intended to “educate” the impressionable and, to put it bluntly, stir shit with your personal critical views, you might want to keep them exactly where they belong – private.

Can’t we all at least agree on this?

About The Author: A founder of Material World, Tan Lili has previously worked in magazines The Singapore Women’s Weekly and Cosmopolitan Singapore, as well as herworld.com (now herworldplus.com, the online counterpart of Her World). She is now a freelance writer who works on this website full-time. Lili hopes to travel the world, work with wild animals, and discover more awesome Twilight fan-fiction. Follow her on Twitter @TanLiliTweets. 

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Let’s Get Moving! – Tan Lili

Astronomers say the universe is expanding. Apparently, so are the humans living on planet Earth. Why is obesity becoming a worldwide trend, and why should YOU be worried? Read on for all the need-to-know facts.

It’s no news; obesity has been recognised as a global epidemic by the World Health Organization (WHO) since 1997. But according to the latest statistics from Overseas Development Institute, nearly 1.5 billion adults around the world are obese or overweight. That’s one-third of the world population or, to really put things into perspective, one in three adults.

The two main contributing factors shouldn’t come as a surprise – 1) according to the United Nations, the global consumption of fat, salt and sugar has increased exponentially over the past 30 years; and 2) our increasingly sedentary lifestyle (a recent study found that only one in three people in Singapore exercise on a regular basis!).

As much as we love to eat unhealthy processed foods and hate working up a sweat, the serious health implications – cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, etc. – of obesity ought to reshape the way we live. In fact, a WHO report states that nearly 2.8 million people worldwide die each year as a result of obesity.

Just recently, in a bid to fight obesity in Singapore, the Health Promotion Board launched the 1 Million kg Challenge – yep, the challenge is for Singaporeans to lose 1 million kilogrammes collectively. Coca-Cola Singapore has also recently launched Movement Is Happiness, a campaign that aims to highlight the emotional benefits of physical activity. But while it’s great that such initiatives are being rolled out, they would only be effective if we also adopt a positive attitude towards healthy living.

From now until the end of April, expect to see Coca-Cola’s “Movement is Happiness” pop-up activity stations across Singapore.

We speak to Dr Abel Soh, Specialist in Endocrinology & Consultant, Raffles Diabetes & Endocrine Centre, to find out more.

The Health Promotion Board recently launched the 1 Million kg Challenge in a bid to fight obesity in Singapore, whose rate has risen significantly over the years. What do you think has caused this spike?

The increasing rate of obesity is not only seen in Singapore alone but around the world. Many factors contribute to this trend but the two most important ones are dietary changes (consumption of a high-fat diet and overeating) and reduced physical activity or lack of exercise.

Apart from heart-related problems, what are some of the less-talked-about consequences of obesity?

Some of the less-talked-about consequences of obesity include high blood pressure (hypertension), high blood sugar level (diabetes mellitus), high cholesterol level, increased risk of stroke, gout, sleep apnea, arthritis of the knees and ankles, and urinary incontinence in women. Obesity is also associated with a higher risk of developing certain cancers – colon, prostate, breast, and endometrium.

For those of us who are overweight, what are some lifestyle changes we should adopt to lose the excess kilos?

In order to lose weight, lifestyle modification is crucial. This includes dietary changes with reduction in intake of calories with or without the use of meal replacement. Increasing energy expenditure through increased physical activity and exercise is important not only for weight loss but also for subsequent maintenance of a lower body weight.

What can friends do to help encourage us to do something about our weight without coming across as brusque?

Weight loss can be difficult for many individuals who are overweight or obese as it involves changes in behaviour and habits that have been formed over many years. Encouragement from family members and friends can certainly help to reinforce the new lifestyle changes needed for weight loss and weight maintenance. Family members and friends should avoid making judgemental statements about the individual’s weight or body shape. They can encourage the formation of new, healthy lifestyle changes by joining with the individual in eating healthily and engaging in regular exercise.

About The Author: A founder of Material World, Tan Lili has previously worked in magazines The Singapore Women’s Weekly and Cosmopolitan Singapore, as well as herworld.com (now herworldplus.com, the online counterpart of Her World). She is now a freelance writer who works on this website full-time. Lili hopes to travel the world, work with wild animals, and discover more awesome Twilight fan-fiction. Follow her on Twitter @TanLiliTweets.  

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Food Review: Royal Pavilion at Park Regis Singapore – Tan Lili

Park Regis Singapore has unveiled its new Cantonese restaurant, Royal Pavilion. How did the dishes fare?

I think I may have found the best yam paste in Singapore.

But let’s start from the beginning. Located on the ground floor of Park Regis Singapore, the new modern Cantonese restaurant is impossible to miss – what with the large crystal chandeliers and cloud-motif wall panels, which add a luxurious touch to the 142-seater. The menu is put together by Chef Chung Ho Shi, who’s had 30 years of experience in classic Cantonese cuisine. While Royal Pavilion serves up timeless favourites, Chef Chung infuses contemporary flavours into the dishes, including the quintessential Cantonese delicacy, dim sum.

The first dim sum dish was Carrot Cake with “Lao Gan Tie” Chilli Sauce, $8.80. The “Lan Gan Tie” (translates to “Old Godfather”) sauce, which comprises fried chilli sauce and crispy mini whitebait, is Chef Chung’s homemade specialty. The bean sprouts add a lovely crunch to the soft radish cake, which is served in sizeable cubes.

Carrot Cake with Lao Gan Tie Chilli Sauce

Another dim sum highlight is the Steamed Vegetarian Crystal Dumpling, $4.80. Light and refreshing, the succulent crystal dumpling holds a generous portion of diced vegetables.

An assortment of hand-crafted dim sum

Next up was Double-boiled Chicken Soup with Fish Maw and Macalan, $25. Brewed with fish maw, wolfberries, huai san and maca (a medicinal herb that is known for its, erm, libido-boosting properties for men), the soup has a slight medicinal flavour and works well to mitigate the heaviness of the savoury dim sum.

Double-boiled Chicken Soup with Fish Maw and Macalan

One of Royal Pavilion’s signature is Royal Smoked Duck, $35 for half-portion; $68 for full. I’m not usually a fan of duck meat, but I can never resist smoked crispy skin. This is smoked in rich lychee wood and leaves, lending the skin a delicate aroma.

Royal Smoked Duck

The Wok-fried Mashed Fish Noodles with Lobster in “Lao Gan Tie” Sauce, $28, has the distinct taste of wok hei, though the highlight of this dish for me is the fish paste noodles – its springy texture made it nearly impossible for me to stop eating!

Wok-fried Mashed Fish Noodles with Lobster in Lao Gan Tie Sauce

On to desserts. The Lime Lemonade with Aloe Vera and Lemongrass Jelly, $6, is refreshing and perfect for the hot weather, but let’s talk about what’s possibly the best yam paste in Singapore. The Steamed Mashed Taro with Pumpkin Puree served in Young Coconut, $8.50, is out of this world. First of all, it is ginkgo nut-free (I’ve never liked those nuts in my yam paste). Second, the pumpkin puree adds the right amount of sweetness to the paste. And third, you can scrape the soft flesh of the coconut and eat it with the paste and the puree – a winning combination of flavours, if you ask me.

Steamed Mashed Taro with Pumpkin Puree served in Young Coconut

About The Author: A founder of Material World, Tan Lili has previously worked in magazines The Singapore Women’s Weekly and Cosmopolitan Singapore, as well as herworld.com (now herworldplus.com, the online counterpart of Her World). She is now a freelance writer who works on this website full-time. Lili hopes to travel the world, work with wild animals, and discover more awesome Twilight fan-fiction. Follow her on Twitter @TanLiliTweets.  

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Embarrassing Women’s Health Questions, Answered – Tan Lili

When it comes to our private area, it can be embarrassing bringing up our concerns to a doctor. Lili takes one for the team, and grills a gynaecologist on the burning questions all of us have (but don’t dare to ask). 

There are many health concerns that we’d have no qualms bringing up to a doctor. And then there are those that are so mortifying, we’d rather stay clueless and even suffer in silence, resigning ourselves to the possibility that we would have to live with this condition forever.

The good news is, most of the embarrassing troubles down below are very common and can be treated or prevented. Dr Tony Tan, Specialist in Gynaecology & Obstetrics and Consultant, Raffles Women’s Centre, answers some of them.

Q: I have recurring yeast infection. Is there a way to treat it once and for all?

A: Unfortunately, it’s not possible. It is however possible to identify factors that may predispose one to getting recurring vaginal yeast infections. These may include stress, use of oral contraceptive pills, use of antibiotics, and wearing nylon underwear or tight-fitting jeans. Once these predisposing factors are identified, avoiding these factors may reduce the recurrence of vaginal yeast infections. Using a maintenance treatment with anti-fungal treatments for six months may prevent the infections as well. However, it may recur again after stopping the treatments. Some patients have found some relief with lactobacilli treatment, and the preventive use of the feminine vaginal douches when not having the infection.

Q: I love my boyfriend but I’m not particularly thrilled about sex. Is there something wrong with me?

A: Loss of libido is a common problem that affects many women at some point in their life. This is often due to stress in relationships or work, anxiety, exhaustion, depression, or important life-changing events such as pregnancy, giving birth or breastfeeding. Relationship problems are the most common causes of loss of libido – and vice versa. Loss of libido may be a problem when it is persistent over months. It may be due to long-term medical problems such as heart diseases, diabetes, obesity, or certain medications including some antihypertensives, antidepressants, anti-epileptics, etc.

Q: I’m always initiating sex with my boyfriend. Is there something wrong with me?

A: There is nothing wrong with you. As long as both of you feel fulfilled with your sex life, there is nothing wrong with who initiates sex. If you are bothered that you are always the one doing so, discuss this honestly with your partner and find out if there are reasons for this.

Q: How much daily discharge is normal? Should I be worried if I have to wear a panty-liner every day?

A: Most vaginal discharge is physiological. The amount is variable. After deliveries, many women do complain of increased vaginal discharge and may have to wear a panty-liner every day. It is unusual if the vaginal discharge smells or causes itch. And if it occurs after unprotected sexual intercourse with multiple partners or with a partner with multiple sexual partners, it’s best to immediately see a gynaecologist.

Q: I have a painful bump (feels like a pimple) in my vaginal area. What’s causing it?

A: It could really be a pimple. Sometimes it is a cyst, such as Bartholin’s cyst, which occurs like a retention cyst in the vulvar area.

Q: Is it true that if I’ve had a miscarriage, it will be harder for me to conceive in future?

A: In general, no – unless there were complications after the miscarriage that may cause adhesions within the uterine cavity or the tubes.

Q: Can my doctor tell if I’ve had an abortion, miscarriage or STD before?

A: Pregnancies do sometimes leave traces in women’s bodies, including changes to the areola of the nipples, pigmentation over the midline of the abdominal wall, stretch marks, etc. The cervical opening may appear pinpoint if there have not been any pregnancies before, while it may appear flattened if there had been an abortion or miscarriage. Some STDs will show up on blood tests (e.g. syphilis, HIV, herpes) even if they have already been treated.

About The Author: A founder of Material World, Tan Lili has previously worked in magazines The Singapore Women’s Weekly and Cosmopolitan Singapore, as well as herworld.com (now herworldplus.com, the online counterpart of Her World). She is now a freelance writer who works on this website full-time. Lili hopes to travel the world, work with wild animals, and discover more awesome Twilight fan-fiction. Follow her on Twitter @TanLiliTweets.

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Animal Neglect: Are YOU Guilty? – Tan Lili

Irresponsible pet ownership is one of the many forms of animal abuse. Read this to find out what constitutes neglect, and why it should never be taken lightly.  

Before the sudden and much welcomed downpour last Sunday, the past couple of months of insanely hot and dry weather in Singapore had been pretty unbearable. In fact, according to NEA, February 2014 was the country’s driest month since 1869 – that’s nearly 150 years! Now, if we had found the heat insufferable, I can’t even imagine how animals felt, especially strays as they depend on easy-to-find water sources to keep themselves adequately hydrated.

But do you know what’s equally upsetting? Pets that are neglected, unwittingly or not. Just last week, as Denise and I were walking back to our office, we saw an adorable long-haired dachshund whose leash was tied to a shrub outside a 7-Eleven store. Animal-lovin’ us immediately cooed over it for a few minutes before we realised something was amiss. Where was its owner? And, if the owner was inside 7-Eleven, why was she taking so long?

It didn’t escape our notice that the dog, unsheltered from the scorching sun, was very agitated; it didn’t seem to enjoy interacting with humans, and it kept its eyes locked on 7-Eleven. Another few minutes passed with no sign of the owner. As we tried petting the dog, it started barking. Suddenly a lady popped her head out from the entrance of 7-Eleven and rudely told us to refrain from petting it, then she went back into the store without bothering to hear us out. Enraged, Denise and I stormed in. What we saw next only served to make the situation even more deplorable: the lady was leaning against the counter and laughing and chatting away with the cashier, as if she had all the time in the world and that there wasn’t a clearly distraught dog stuck in the sweltering heat outside for who-knows-how-long. Anyway, we gave her a piece of our mind and left hoping she understood the severity of her actions.

Yes, what that lady did to her dog is an act of animal abuse. Even if I gave her the benefit of the doubt that she does love the dog, it doesn’t take away the fact that she had fully neglected its wellbeing when she left it out there to fend for itself.

Most people would immediately associate animal cruelty with violence, but neglect is also a common form of abuse in which the suffering of the animal is prolonged. Here’s what animal neglect constitutes:

• Depriving the animal of basic care, like shelter, food and water
• Chaining the animal or confining it in small cages or poor conditions for long periods of time
• Animal hoarding – keeping far more animals than you can properly care for
• Failure to provide veterinary care and treatment
• Leaving an animal unattended in the car for hours
• Abandoning an animal for whatever reason

Different animals have different needs and behaviours. Where dogs crave human attention, cats and rabbits are more aloof and independent in nature. But regardless of the type of pet you get, you need to be 100-percent committed to and responsible for its wellbeing the minute you decide to keep one. Taking care of a pet is never as easy as it seems. If you, for even one second, doubt you would be able to handle it, do the animal a huge favour and don’t become a pet owner.

Meanwhile, if you notice any sign of animal abuse, don’t be silent about it. We are the voices for the animals, so speak up for them. At the end of the day, the emotions we feel – blinding rage, guilt, indignation, gut-wrenching despair – from encountering instances of animal abuse is nothing compared to the suffering of the abused animals.

About The Author: A founder of Material World, Tan Lili has previously worked in magazines The Singapore Women’s Weekly and Cosmopolitan Singapore, as well as herworld.com (now herworldplus.com, the online counterpart of Her World). She is now a freelance writer who works on this website full-time. Lili hopes to travel the world, work with wild animals, and discover more awesome Twilight fan-fiction. Follow her on Twitter @TanLiliTweets. 

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Do Singaporeans Lack Compassion? – Tan Lili

A British writer wrote that Singaporeans suffer from a “massive compassion deficit”, following her bad experience on the MRT train that left her crouching on the floor for 15 minutes. Is it a fair assessment of our countrymen? 

In case you haven’t read about British freelance writer Charlotte Ashton’s unpleasant experience on the train, here’s what went down: She wrote on BBC Viewpoint about how she had to crouch for 15 minutes on an MRT train because of a bad bout of nausea (she was 10 weeks pregnant at the time), yet no one offered to give up their seat for her. This led to her rather harsh statement that Singaporeans suffer from a “massive compassion deficit”. She wrote, “I do not know if I would have had a better time in London, but in the Singaporean rat race, you are certainly on your own. An unhappy conclusion, I am afraid, from misery city.”

Her experience was published in The Straits Times recently and it predictably drew fire from indignant Singaporeans. Everyone was quick to point fingers, attacking Ashton on all fronts with a barrage of angry comments – from the inequality between the rich and the poor in Singapore, to the complaint about foreigners taking over the train (and the country).

I think we’re missing the big picture here. Yes, those comments are valid concerns of many Singaporeans but they are separate issues altogether. I’m not defending Ashton, nor am I agreeing with her conclusion that we are seriously lacking compassion. It’s not about taking sides here – there are none to begin with, anyway, because when you take away her nationality, it all boils down to this: A person was clearly uncomfortable and ill, and nobody gave a shit. What does this say about humanity?

This lack of graciousness and compassion isn’t unique to our country; I’ve heard of worse incidents that frequently happen in other parts of the world. This isn’t to say that all Singaporeans are heartless, either; I’ve witnessed so many random acts of kindness here. As human beings, we can, however, do with a little more compassion. Here are a couple of ways to get us all started.

Practice Empathy

Empathy is the first step in cultivating compassion, and to develop that, we need to constantly put ourselves in another person’s shoes. Let’s not deny the point Ashton made about uncaring passengers. While I’ve seen commuters give up their seats for others in need, I’ve also seen a fair share of those who not-so-discreetly avert their gaze the moment an elderly or a pregnant lady boards the train. I’m sure you have personally encountered this scenario before. No one is 100-percent selfless, but if you’ve always placed your own needs ahead of others’, it’s high time that you recognise the world doesn’t revolve around you and you alone.

Don’t React, Respond

The myriad excuses – excuses that aren’t remotely related to the issue at hand – we make whenever someone points out our flaws has got to stop. Rather than react to a situation, try responding to it. When we react, we let our emotions get the better of us. Driven by impulse, we often react without thinking and end up coming across as being defensive. But when we respond to a situation, we actually listen to the other side of the story and respond as logically as we can. Even when some people cross the line and do or say things that would naturally trigger an angry response from us, we do so to protect our dignity and self-respect. But if you did it out of spite or with any malicious intent, it’d only reflect the type of person you are.

About The Author: A founder of Material World, Tan Lili has previously worked in magazines The Singapore Women’s Weekly and Cosmopolitan Singapore, as well as herworld.com (now herworldplus.com, the online counterpart of Her World). She is now a freelance writer who works on this website full-time. Lili hopes to travel the world, work with wild animals, and discover more awesome Twilight fan-fiction. Follow her on Twitter @TanLiliTweets. 

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