Entertainment, Love, Relationships

10 Must-Know Ways He’ll Never Be Boyfriend Material – Matthew Fam

Is he into you? Is he not? And if he is, does he only see you as a one night stand? The madness ends NOW. Whether you’re dealing with someone out of your league, a playboy or complete sleazeball creep, the telltale signs are undeniable. Here, the 10 must-know ways he isn’t boyfriend material.

1. The Picture Sender
Rule of thumb: if a guy is totally into you, he’d want to share as much of his life as possible. This means sending snaps of anything under the Sun- his new haircut, the new GoPro camera he’s tricked out with, or even a meal that he whipped up (pssst… your cue to suggest a dinner date!) On the flipside, if your Whatsapp media folder has been flatlining, you know he’s a real dud.

emoji

Shut up now.

2. Emoji Overload
And just when you thought emoticons were bad enough. Emojis teeter on the date-defining line between adorable and totally nauseating. So imagine if your sweetie signs off each and. Every. Single. One of his texts with a parade of monkey faces. You’re dating a man- not babysitting a teenage kid.

3. Hanky Panky
Touch is essential for intimacy, no doubt. But having it five steps ahead of the game gives the impression that he’s only in it for your lady bits.

Signs to look out for instead? Eye contact, mimicking of body postures, and his pelvic region facing you (sounds insane, but seriously). Sometimes, subtlety does it.

tumblr_n20st9nAVV1tpkh8yo1_500

4. The Phantom Menace
Text. Flirt. Disappear. Repeat.  Sound familiar? Unless you’re settling for a flirtationship, you should find a chap who won’t string you along. Perhaps you could switch things up and make him the one to wait instead! Just remember: no crazy text spamming or instant replies that scream ‘psycho girlfriend’.

5.When the ‘L’ word is said FAR too soon
According to this article, men take 88 days on average to say ‘I love you’ to their girlfriends. And over 39% of those surveyed take the verbal plunge during the first month of their relationship. While this isn’t a compulsory guide, it should give you a fair gauge if your man is just saying romantic mush to appease you.

tumblr_mvocecDQXV1slj24go1_500 2 6. Payment In Kind
Let’s get one thing straight: him paying for your date is NOT an excuse for a free pass at you. And you absolutely shouldn’t feel obliged to entertain his advances. I mean, hello?? It drives home the message that you’re a commodity to be bought… and ain’t nobody got time for that!

7. Repeat Offender
Now, this technique requires some next-level snooping skills (and a sliiight breach of his privacy… just don’t get caught!) If the way he treated his past girlfriends fall into a pattern- same breakup excuse, same bad habits- you know he’s not likely to change his spots anytime soon!

Total. Deal. Breaker.

Total. Deal. Breaker.

8. When He Secretly Films You During Sex!
Ever wanted to be a YouTube celebrity? Well, the only kind of internet sensation you DON’T want to be is this!

Sure, sex is supposed to be fun, but this here is a major deal breaker. Aside from having a total lack of respect, recording lewd acts without consent is just way too creepy. Spot a suspicious red dot floating in the darkness of his room? Congratulations- you now have liberty to go apesh*t on his MacBook.

9. Phone Fiddler
We’re all guilty of the occasional phone checking- even during dates. But if he’s busier than a Bangalore call centre, dump the dude. Actions speak volumes, so if he can’t even commit that little bit of time for you, what more a longer-term relationship? If text replying is a must (could it be that he’s chatting up other ladies too??), how about having a 5-minute timeout instead?

10. Bad Body Odour
Deodorant; cologne; instruct man to scrub pits with Clorox… Or seriously, just don’t go out with him.

So, how do YOU judge if someone is boyfriend material? Share with us in the comments section below!

 

About the Author: Matthew Fam is a contributing writer of Material World, and has worked at Cosmopolitan Singapore as an intern and Contributing Beauty Assistant. He writes, teaches, and performs for the stage. Matthew enjoys museum visits, Singaporean Theatre, and spends too much of his undergraduate allowance on magazines.

 

If you liked this post, you might also like:

1. The 8 Times You’re A Total Biatch Without Knowing It – Matthew Fam

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Love In Lines, Relationships

[Love In Lines] Do You Give Good Text? – Vanessa Tai

When you’re getting to know someone new, texting is probably your main mode of conversation. As convenient as texting is, it can also be a potential minefield. Before you pick up your phone to WhatsApp your crush, be sure to refer to this handy checklist.

I have a love-hate relationship with WhatsApp. I appreciate how convenient it is to talk to groups of people at the same time, and how the hundreds of emojis liven up any conversation. What I hate is how the “Last Seen” function has the ability to send you into an emotional tizzy. You know what I mean. When you send your crush a message and he’s “Online” but not replying, it can really mess with your mind. Worse, when you see him “typing…” but then he stops and doesn’t send the message. It’s like, DUDE WHAT WERE YOU GOING TO SAY?!

Now I won’t consider myself a texting guru by any standards. (If you’re looking for a comprehensive guide, there are actually plenty of books on how to be a great texter.) However, there are a few lessons I’ve picked up in my years of texting guys that I hope will be useful for you, or at the very least, help you be less anxious when you next text your crush.

First, who initiates?

As Denise rightfully pointed out, there’s really zero shame in asking a guy out. However, if you find yourself always initiating a text conversation with him, it’s highly plausible that he’s just not that into you. Here’s the thing – if a guy is even mildly interested, he WILL get over his shyness/busyness/whatever to contact you. If he doesn’t, well, dust off and move on. This is why it’s always important to have options.

Maintain several text conversations

When you’re casually dating around, it’s the best time to talk to as many people as possible. Why? First, it takes your mind off that one guy you’re more interested in than the rest. Second, you could be pleasantly surprised – the other guys could actually be way more interesting. Third, it’s just fun! I don’t know about you, but I actually find it de-stressing to have random chat conversations with people I don’t know that well. It reminds me of the good ol’days on IRC and ICQ. Not sure where to find willing chat partners? Check out dating apps like Tinder or our very own local version, Paktor. Not sure what to talk about? Here’s a pro tip …

Be funny

Some of the best conversations I’ve had were with guys who didn’t ask me run-of-the-mill questions like “How are you” or “What do you do?” Instead, we jumped straight into talking about things like travel, books, music, the worst dates we’ve been on … you get the idea. There’s actually a way to steer the conversation to make it more interesting. For example, when someone texts to ask, “How was your day?”, instead of simply replying, “Good! Yours?”, you could relate a short and funny anecdote about something that happened to you that day (perhaps you spilled coffee on yourself before a big presentation or you fell asleep on a stranger’s shoulder while on the way home). It doesn’t have to be anything major or significant, but it invites the other person to share something funny about themselves too, and that gets the conversation flowing more smoothly.

What about sexting?

In a word, “No”. I don’t do it, don’t think I’ll ever do it, and I strongly encourage you not to do it either. It may seem like harmless fun to send your crush a picture of your cleavage (or more) but just the thought of the possible repercussions is more than enough for me to toe the line. Type “ex girlfriend pictures” in Google, and you’ll see scores of images of women who entrusted their intimate pictures with someone who ultimately betrayed that trust. Don’t sext. There are other ways to get a man’s attention.

Finally, my golden rule …

DO NOT TEXT WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK

material world_drunk text

Unfortunately, I learned this the painful way. On more than one occasion, I’ve texted guys when inebriated and ended up ruining perfect text relationships with gibberish messages or spammy chunks of text. Of course, you could argue that if the guy has decided he likes you, one or two drunk conversations isn’t going to change anything. And I agree. But if you’re just getting to know somebody and feeling them out, wouldn’t such behaviour annoy you? This is why I’m entrusting my phone with my pals the next time we go for a round of drinks.

Having said all this, texting is merely one way of getting to know someone better. The best way to really get to know a person is still meeting face-to-face and doing things together. After all, body language accounts for between 50 to 70 percent of all communication. So, put down that phone and go out already! In my next edition of Love In Lines, I will be talking about why it’s important to date widely. Keep a lookout for it!

Love In Lines is a special under the Relationship section of Material World. The four founders each takes a week in a month to talk about dealing with love from different perspectives. Founder Vanessa Tai talks about navigating the often-confusing world of singledom. Stay tuned for more!

About The Author: Vanessa Tai is a founder of Material World who has previously worked on magazines Simply Her and Cosmopolitan Singapore. Now a freelance writer and a full-time contributor to this website, the 26-year-old dreams of attending every single major music festival before she turns 30. 

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Career, Opinions, Self-Improvement, Vanessa Tai

Working With Friends – Vanessa Tai

Yesterday, I read an article in the newspapers about how it may not be a good idea to work with a friend. On the surface, it may seem like a fantastic idea – working alongside your BFF for eight (or more) hours a day – what could be better, right? However, according to the article, friends tend to have the same outlook as you so this might lead to a shortage of fresh ideas coming into the company. Another potential problem with working with friends is the unwillingness to question or criticise each other’s ideas.

I found it very relevant for us at Material World because after all, we Material Girls are friends who started this business venture together. (We didn’t start off as friends, though. We were colleagues first, then friends, and now we are business partners.) While the article did bring up some salient points, I think the four of us have found a way to make this partnership work without compromising on our friendship. Here are some of the methods, which hopefully you’ll find useful if you ever find yourself having to work alongside a friend!

1. Be Honest

As with all relationships, transparency really is key. You can’t have a thriving relationship if you’re not honest with what you’re really thinking about. We’ve had frank discussions about our strengths, our weaknesses and even supposedly touchy topics like our finances. And whenever we have brainstorm sessions, we’re not afraid to tell each other if an idea doesn’t work. Which brings me to my next point …

2. Grow A Thick Skin

For some reason, being criticised stings more when it comes from someone we’re close to. That’s because we value the person’s opinion way more than say, a random hater on the Internet. However, you’ll need to view things from a macro perspective; everything that’s being said is for the good of the company. So shrug off those hurt feelings and focus on how you can improve the quality of your work.

3. Communicate (A Lot)

"Anyones wants to go with me for the event?" (What a typical Material World text might look like)

“Anyone wants to go with me for the event?” (What a typical Material World text might look like)

The Material Girls have two chat groups on WhatsApp (don’t ask me why.) And not a day goes by without us updating the group chat about our daily on-goings, whether it’s a story we’re working on or an event we’re attending. We also have a compulsory weekly meeting and once a month, we spend an entire day working alongside each other. So because we’re constantly kept in the loop of each other’s lives and work progress, we are able to easily pick up the slack should one of us fall ill or go overseas.

4. Spend Time Away From Work

Work hard, play harder!

Work hard, play harder!

This is a very important point. Sometimes, if you spend too much time working with someone, you’ll just start to associate them with work, which is why it’s crucial to spend time with your friend/co-worker doing non-work-related stuff.We Material Girls often do things like boot camp or night treks together. The endorphins plus the great outdoors make for a fantastic stress-reliever, plus it serves as a reminder why we enjoy each other’s company so much.

About The Author: Vanessa Tai is a founder of Material World who has previously worked on magazines Simply Her and Cosmopolitan Singapore. Now a freelance writer and a full-time contributor to this website, the 26-year-old dreams of attending every single major music festival before she turns 30. Follow her on Twitter @VannTaiTweets

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