Love, Relationships

The 8 Escape Routes From A Bad Date – Matthew Fam

Bad dates can be an excruciating affair to endure, but some of us may feel bad for being straightforward with him over our lack of interest. Be it due to non-existent chemistry of having little in common, or him possessing a deal breaker trait (bad body odour anyone?), escape routes are sometimes the necessary evil to put a premature end to an otherwise terrible occasion. Save yourself the trouble with these 8 ways. 

Wishing someone's call would be the perfect excuse for you to leave?

Wishing someone’s call would be the perfect excuse for you to leave?

1. The Emergency Call
To nail this date-terminating smokescreen, have a trusted friend call you in the event of a meeting gone sour. When a date turns unbearable, discreetly send her a text to call you. Upon receiving the lifesaver call, pretend that an urgent matter has sprung up which requires your immediate attention (tip: saying ‘my [insert family member] just got admitted to a hospital’ is probably not the best excuse). The grand exit follows.

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2. The Friendzone
This is the dreaded phrase that all men loathe. To enforce its power, casually mention during your date how it’s great to be making new friends and networking- he should be getting the hint that you have no romantic intentions from this outing. Can’t take a hint? Then try being a little more forward by telling him that you’re not looking for love. Who knows? A romantically unmatched pair may make great platonic friends instead.


tumblr_mobrqm7gOX1s2wckio1_5003. Gross Him Out On Purpose

Not many people enjoy making themselves look bad in front of others, but desperate times call for desperate measures. It could be as simple as personifying the very trait that he doesn’t like in potential partners, for example, being high-maintenance (this is where you have to listen well during conversation). But take care not to overdo it- you want to put up subtle signs to ward him off, not make a fool of yourself.

 

tumblr_n57djaf1j31qbatypo3_5004. The Cramps Card
Sure, it’s no laughing matter to be having your monthly cramps, but when a disaster date looms, a little white lie couldn’t hurt right? It’s time to unleash that inner Secondary School Drama CCA diva and whip out those acting chops for this stunt to be pulled off successfully.

 

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You’ll have to do better than that to convince him.

5. Fake a Food Allergy
In this last-ditch effort to relieve yourself from date torture, you need to find anything you ate in your dish, whether its nuts or seafood, that could warrant a full-scale allergic reaction.

Allergies can activate as quickly as a few minutes after ingestion, so you don’t need to worry about timing your staged itch too soon. First, make a remark about having ingested some allergy-causing ingredients. Next, endure Mr. Boring for another 10 minutes before you start itching. A little acting would certainly go a long way (note: the trick lies in not over-exaggerating. It’s not the bubonic plague you’re feigning!)

6. Go Dutch 
For some reason, several men seem to think that paying for your date is an entitlement for him to expect a second one from you or a romantic advance (uhh… WRONG??). To prevent unwanted future disturbance, pay for your share of the meal to ensure that he can’t use this excuse against you.

And remember: repeated messages from him post-date on why you aren’t unto him counts as harassment. You have every right to inform him that his advances are not welcomed!

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7. Let Him Blabber
We all know that people love talking about themselves, right? So latch onto this perfect opportunity- let him drone on in the event you find yourself scrapping the bottom of the barrel for conversation topics (hmm, nice weather we’ve been having lately). A good starter is to ask him all about his job, and let the conversation go on idle auto-pilot. This way, you’d spare him the ego-crushing defeat of a deathly silence between you two.

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8. The Sleeping Beauty

You tell him that you’re dead tired from a strenuous day at work, when really, not even a double espresso could save you from this snoozefest of a date. Here’s where it gets tricky: if he’s a complete stalker and insists on seeing you again, avoid him altogether. Feeling shy? Being upfront via text in a non face-to-face meeting makes it less awkward to express your disinterest.

 

So, how do you get yourself out of a bad date? Share with us in the comments section below!

About the Author: Matthew Fam is a contributing writer of Material World, and has worked at Cosmopolitan Singapore as an intern and Contributing Beauty Assistant. He writes, teaches, and performs for the stage. Matthew enjoys museum visits, Singaporean Theatre, and spends too much of his undergraduate allowance on magazines.

if you enjoyed this post, you might like:

1. How To Get Date-Ready In Under 5 Minutes – Vanessa Tai

2. 10 Must-Know Ways He’ll Never Be Boyfriend Material – Matthew Fam

3. [Love In Lines] When You Don’t Have Time For Love – Tan Lili

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Love, Relationships

6 Scandalous Things You Must Know About Sexting – Matthew Fam

The sexting revolution is upon us all. With in-built cameras becoming the norm for gadgets and online dating applications aplenty, connecting has become so instant. Enter rallies of kinky text messages, and the hotly debated sexy snap. Ultimately, it’s one’s prerogative to send a dirty picture of herself. In the case you do, take note of these tips:

Do you really want to be sending intimate snaps of yourself?

Do you really want to be sending intimate snaps of yourself?

Why you absolutely shouldn’t do it:

1. Unwanted Appearances
When you release an intimate image to someone, you’re at his mercy. So, you either trust that your chat partner doesn’t circulate these potentially embarrassing shots, or don’t send them at all.

As of late, there have been Tumblr pages dedicated to these raunchy shots- most of which containing reader-submitted images without the subject’s consent. Unless you derive a thrill from exhibitionism, you don’t want to be making an unwanted appearance! Even if you manage to contact the web administrator to take them down, chances are, other people have already seen it within that window of time (and had the chance to save it for future distribution).

If the possibility of this happening totally freaks you out, don’t risk it- especially to a total stranger.

Uhh, I don't think he'd be deleting those photos anytime soon...

Uhh, I don’t think he’d be deleting those photos anytime soon…

 

2. The Psycho Ex-Boyfriend
You know those tacky Channel 8 serial drama episodes, where a crazy ex-lover threatens to release compromising photos in a fit of revenge? You get the drift. Yes, as if sexting strangers was bad enough, sending dirty pictures to your loved ones may also pose a problem.

Who’s to say that when things get sour between you two, he’ll be respecting your intimate snaps sent over the course of your relationship? Have a matured discussion over such sensitive material (I don’t recommend “Delete my photos. NOW!!”) without any hair pulling, kicked groins or screaming.

 

3. The Awkwardness Of It All!
Careers have been ruined over the tarnishing of professional images. Think Christopher Lee, that Craigslist congressman from New York who resigned over an exposed shirtless snap.

Considering how small Singapore is and inter-connected our social circles are, one innocent photo share can wreck your reputation. A good girl friend of mine showed a dirty snap of an ex who happened to be our mutual friend. Awkward. As. HELL. Now, I can’t look at said person in the eye without his merchandise seared across my mind, thank you very much.

Really want to do it? Then heed these tips:

4. Discretion, darling.
Fine. So you have a bangin’ bod that you absolutely have to show him, because not flaunting all those hours at the gym is criminal. By all means, snap away. (And make sure you get an eye candy of a shot in return!) But for the love of humanity, please exercise discretion.

If you intend to send your sexy snaps over, protect yourself by making them as anonymous as possible. You may strategically crop off your head, or reveal sections of yourself instead. Download censoring applications such as PhotoCensor Free to keep any unwanted bits blurred, such as a background that might easily identify yourself. Plus, it’s a great way to tease him without compromising all of your modesty.

Snapchat was MADE for sexting.

Snapchat was MADE for sexting.

5. Snapchat Is For Sexting
Sorry, I’m totally calling dibs on this: Snapchat is for sexting. It’s a smart way to send your dirty pictures without leaving behind any tracks. What’s special with this chat application is its photo-sending function. You get to set an amount of time (ranging from 1 to 10 seconds) in which the recipient sees your photo before the dirty evidence gets destroyed. Plus, you will be alerted if your pervy chat partner decides to sneak in a screenshot. Seriously. Does this not reek of sexting potential??

What if he wants it and you don’t?

6. (Sometimes) Good Girls Finish First
Don’t send it if you don’t want to. This may sound like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised how the pressure to comply and feel desired can be.

There’s absolutely nothing wrong with standing firm in what you believe in, even if it means a strict, no-sexting, no-dirty-anything rule.  You have control over your body. And if he insists that you send a dirty snap, he’s probably not worth your time in the first place. Ignore him and move on: girl friend, you are better than that.

At the end of the day, if you choose to sext, rock it out. Feel great in your own skin and be effing fabulous. Be responsible with who you send your snaps to and fire away!

So, what do YOU think about sexting? Share with us in the comments section!

About the Author: Matthew Fam is a contributing writer of Material World, and has worked at Cosmopolitan Singapore as an intern and freelancer. He writes, teaches, and performs for the stage. Matthew enjoys museum visits, origami, and is passionate about Singaporean Theatre.

 

If you liked this post, you might also like:

1. [Infographic] 10 Ways To Be F**king Awesome – Tan Lili

2. [Love In Lines] Do You Give Good Text? – Vanessa Tai

3. [Love In Lines] 4 Awesome Things About Being In a Long-Distance Relationship – Denise Li

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Love In Lines, Relationships

[Love In Lines] What’s The Fuss About Tinder? – Vanessa Tai

Tinder is a hot new dating app, and it’s looking to change the face of Internet dating. But is it all it’s cracked up to be? 

I was recently having drinks with fellow Material World co-founders Denise and Lili, when Denise asked me, “Hey, so have you heard of Tinder?” I must have given her a blank stare because she continued excitedly, “It’s this new dating app, but how it works is quite different. Basically, you’re shown profiles of the people within a set distance from you. And because your Tinder account is connected to your Facebook account, it accesses pictures from your Facebook page. If you like what you see, you swipe right. And if you don’t, just swipe left.”

Hmm, interesting. So it’s kind of like playing Hot or Not with a huge pool of strangers. (Well, they aren’t really strangers, since some of these people may be on your Facebook friends’ network.) And c’mon, let’s admit it. Don’t we all secretly play Hot or Not in our minds when we’re out socialising? No? Just me?

Anyway, I was intrigued enough to download and play around with the app that very evening. Here’s my verdict:

1.  It’s so simple

Unlike other dating sites or applications that require you to fill in long questionnaires about your personality, or where you have to sift through hundreds of “I’m juz a simple guy” profiles, Tinder cuts through all the crap to show you what’s most pertinent – how the other person looks. And it’s not about being shallow either. After all, in face-to-face social interactions, the first thing we notice about the other person is their appearance. Yes, of course it can be argued that in real-life interactions, we may look past the person’s looks if he/she is funny or interesting to talk to. But hey, if everyone had the time to go out and meet people, would we still be on Tinder?

2. There’s less risk of rejection 

Although it’s hardly a taboo for women to make the first move anymore, we gotta admit it still stings a little when you “wink” or “wave” at a potential mate, and don’t receive a reply. Or worse, if you crafted a witty and thoughtful message, only to receive … stone cold silence. With Tinder, you’re only taken to the instant messaging feature if both of you swiped to the right. That way, at least both of you are already mildly interested. In the spirit of full disclosure, I only got matched with two guys during my one hour of fiddling around with Tinder, but we didn’t message each other in the end. (My excuse? It was 2am. I couldn’t think of anything more witty than a “Hi,” so I decided to roll over and sleep instead. Very romantic, I know.)

3. It eliminates the creep factor

Any woman who’s put herself out there on dating sites will know the horrors that lurk on the interwebs. From obscene pictures to persistent messaging, there are some really creepy men out there. I like the fact that on Tinder, the only people who get to message me are people I’ve already sort of “approved”. As an added security measure, you get to see if you have any mutual friends with the dude before swiping right or left. In fact, there were a couple of guys I thought were cute but because they were mutual friends with people I don’t really care to associate with, I swiped left instead.

"Hmm ... cute or not?"

“Hmm … cute or not?”

4. It’s mindless fun 

Because you’re just swiping right and left, it becomes like a game that you whip out any time you have a few spare moments. I downloaded the app onto my iPad, which I hardly bring out with me, so I don’t check in much. But for people who have it on their phones, it becomes something they do to pass time. In fact, some articles indicate that the average user checks the app 11 times per day for seven minutes at a time!

5. If you’re looking for a serious relationship, Tinder probably won’t work for you.

As fun and convenient Tinder is, it’s definitely not the best platform for those looking for a serious relationship. I mean, yes, you could be one of those exceptional cases where you meet the guy offline, hit it off, fall in love, the whole works. But this “swipe, swipe, swipe” style of browsing through potential mates feels more like an online shopping experience than an earnest search for a life partner. I guess Tinder is a nice-to-have tool for our hook-up culture. That said, like a casual hook-up, it’s fun and stress-free but ultimately not very fulfilling.

What are your experiences like with Internet dating? Share with us in the Comments section below or Tweet me at @VannTaiTweets! 

Love In Lines is a special under the Relationship section of Material World. The four founders each takes a week in a month to talk about dealing with love from different perspectives. Founder Vanessa Tai talks about navigating the often-confusing world of singledom. Stay tuned for more!

About The Author: Vanessa Tai is a founder of Material World who has previously worked on magazines Simply Her and Cosmopolitan Singapore. Now a freelance writer and a full-time contributor to this website, the 26-year-old dreams of attending every single major music festival before she turns 30. 

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Love In Lines, Relationships

[Love In Lines] Unrealistic Expectations – Vanessa Tai

Admit it. As much as you claim to be an independent, go-getting woman of the world, there are times where you secretly wish someone will swoop into your life, fall madly in love with you and magically make all your problems disappear … or is that just me?

Maybe it’s a result of watching one too many romantic comedies, but I occasionally daydream about having A Rom-Com Love Story. You know the kind where you meet a stranger on a train and you end up talking for hours (“Before Sunrise”) or where you are the neurotic workaholic who somehow falls into a relationship with the goofy, laidback dude (“Miss Congeniality”, “The Proposal”, “Admission”). Yes, I love my romantic comedies, but does that mean I bring with me a set of unrealistic expectations when approaching love and relationships?

Kissing in the rain ... a must-have scene in every rom-com worth its salt

Kissing in the rain … a must-have scene in every romantic comedy.

In the recent movie Don Jon – written and directed by and starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt – the main character, Jon is a womaniser who gets pretty much any woman he wants, including the smokin’ hot Barbara (played by Scarlett Johansson). However, no matter which woman he has sex with, he finds he still prefers the satisfaction he gets from porn. About a month into their relationship, all hell breaks loose when Barbara stumbles onto his porn collection. As they argue, Jon accuses her of having her own addiction – to romantic Hollywood movies. She becomes indignant, and claims those movies were nothing like porn. But is she right?

Just as Jon is no longer able to fully enjoy sex with a real woman, Barbara also harbours unreasonable expectations of the man in her life. For example, in one scene, she is appalled when she discovers Jon does his own housecleaning and insists he hires her housekeeper instead. In her words, “You’re a grown man! You shouldn’t be cleaning your own floors!”

Other scenes in the movie also shows how Barbara not-so-subtly tries to mold Jon into the man she thinks she deserves to be with. So while Jon is wrong in lying about his porn obsession, the eventual breakdown of their relationship can’t be pinned entirely on him. Barbara’s obsession with creating the perfect guy (the rom-com guy), has led to her being overly demanding and controlling.

While I’m not in a relationship, this movie was a reminder not to be so nit-picky when it comes to the men I date. As much as fantasies are fun to indulge in, ultimately it’s still way more satisfying to make the best out of what you have and embrace everything about your partner, both the good and the not-so-pretty bits. Life may not be a Hollywood production, but as Joseph Gordon-Levitt said in an interview for Don Jon, real life has so much more nuances that cannot be captured on celluloid film. And that, makes your love story so much more beautiful than any romantic comedy.

What do you think? Share with me your thoughts/experiences/suggestions in the Comments section below!

Love In Lines is a special under the Relationship section of Material World. The four founders each takes a week in a month to talk about dealing with love from different perspectives. Founder Vanessa Tai talks about navigating the often-confusing world of singledom. Stay tuned for more!

About The Author: Vanessa Tai is a founder of Material World who has previously worked on magazines Simply Her and Cosmopolitan Singapore. Now a freelance writer and a full-time contributor to this website, the 26-year-old dreams of attending every single major music festival before she turns 30. Her all-time favourite rom-com is “Forgetting Sarah Marshall”. Follow her on Twitter @VannTaiTweets.

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Love In Lines, Relationships

[Love In Lines] Where Are All The Great Guys? – Vanessa Tai

Lest you think this is going to be one of those posts lamenting the dearth of good men, let me assure you – it’s not. This is a genuine call for assistance. Where are all the great guys??? With our increasingly hectic lifestyles, we’re lucky if we manage to squeeze in time to meet our friends and family, so finding time to meet new people and date can be challenging.

There seems to be this preconceived notion that singlehood is synonymous with being lonely, but I’m truly too busy to be lonely. Any free time I have is guarded jealously, and I don’t particularly fancy spending it with somebody whose company I don’t enjoy. But how long can I be busy for, though? What happens when I’m old and arthritic? Wouldn’t I want a loved one I can rely on then (but wouldn’t he be old and arthritic too)?

Please don't let this be me!

Please don’t let this be me!

Then again, it’s not that I have not tried “putting myself out there” (whatever that even means.) I have tried the following avenues of dating, all to varying degrees of success.

1. Getting Friends To Introduce You To Their Friends

Pros: You can take comfort knowing the guy you’re meeting has your friend’s stamp of approval. (That’s not to say he won’t turn out to be a jerk though. I once went out with this guy introduced by my best buddy and he turned out to be grossly chauvinistic.)

Cons: If things don’t pan out between you and the guy, more people will be involved in the post-relationship awkwardness.

2. Group Dating Events

Pros: Even if you don’t find someone special, you may end up making a few good friends.

Cons: Similar to blind dates, the people at group dating events generally give off an air of unease and discomfort. #TrueStory

3. Online Dating

Pros: You get to scroll through literally hundreds of profiles in the comfort of your home, using snazzy algorithms to narrow your choices to people who fit most closely to your ideal of the perfect mate.

Cons: There are plenty of creeps lurking on online dating sites. #AnotherTrueStory

4. Clubbing

Pros: With everybody being a little inebriated, the conversation will flow more easily.

Cons: While I get that people do meet the loves of their lives in clubs and other similar social settings, the fact remains that most people go to clubs looking for something casual. Call me old-fashioned, but if you’re looking for someone to marry or have a long-term relationship with, a club may not be the best option.

5. Engaging In Activities Outside Of Your Comfort Zone

Pros: You get to do and learn something new! Everything else is a bonus.

Cons: Can’t think of any, really.

So you see, it’s not for lack of trying. However, despite my best intentions, it just seems hard to find someone I can genuinely click with. And when I do find that person, more often than not, he’s already attached! But that’s a story for another day.

If you’re reading this and have some ideas on where I can find eligible men (who also happen to be hot hahaha) please drop me a note in the Comments section below!

Love In Lines is a special under the Relationship section of Material World. The four founders each takes a week in a month to talk about dealing with love from different perspectives. Founder Vanessa Tai talks about navigating the often-confusing world of singledom. Stay tuned for more!

About The Author: Vanessa Tai is a founder of Material World who has previously worked on magazines Simply Her and Cosmopolitan Singapore. Now a freelance writer and a full-time contributor to this website, the 26-year-old dreams of attending every single major music festival before she turns 30. Her worst first date ever involved a heated argument on feminism. Follow her on Twitter @VannTaiTweets.

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Lifestyle, Love, Relationships

How To Win At Online Dating – Vanessa Tai

material-world-singapore-online dating-top

According to dating agency Lunch Actually’s recent survey results, online dating is on the rise in Singapore. 51 percent of the 788 respondents from Singapore said they used online dating platforms to find a potential mate. This is a huge jump from a mere 26 percent in 2009. Considering how upwardly mobile and tech-savvy society has become, these results don’t come as much of a surprise. However, even with online dating becoming more prevalent, it seems there are many people who haven’t quite figured out how to make it work for them.

Now I wouldn’t call myself an expert, but my few months of dabbling with OkCupid have given me some insight into the Do’s and Don’ts of online dating.

DO … have an interesting profile.
There are a gazillion profiles out there with same-ish bland introductions that read, “Just a simple guy,” or “I enjoy hanging out with good friends but I’m also comfortable being alone.” Online dating is similar to being at a party … how are you going to stand out if you present yourself to be just like everybody else? You don’t have to go on and on about your likes and dislikes; honesty and a good dose of humour would work better. Here’s a screen shot of what a more interesting profile looks like:

material-world-singapore-ok cupid-1

DON’T … be a creep/be corny.
I once received a message from a guy where the subject header was, “10 reasons why we should be f- buddies.” Just no.

As for being corny, I’m just going to leave this self-explanatory screen shot here:

material-world-singapore-ok-cupid-corny

DO … make the effort to come up with an interesting introductory message.
Too often, people get caught up with “dating being a numbers game,” so they mass-send the same message to scores of profiles, hoping a few will reply. Not only is that insincere, the recipient will know he or she is receiving a mass message and will be less likely to respond. A better idea would be to comment on an interesting point (or photo) on the person’s profile and ask them about it.

DON’T … put all your eggs in one basket.
Online dating is now just not confined to the web. It has gone mobile through different mobile dating apps like Singapore Singles Around Me and Lovestruck. With this added convenience, it’s easy to become addicted to scrolling through the seemingly endless profiles, hoping you’ll click on The One. However, it’s probably healthier to view online dating as just another avenue to get to know new people. If you really want to expand your network, go out and join interest groups, sign up for new classes or attend singles’ parties!

About The Author: Vanessa Tai is a founder of Material World who has previously worked on magazines Simply Her and Cosmopolitan Singapore. Now a freelance writer and a full-time contributor to this website, the 26-year-old dreams of attending every single major music festival before she turns 30. She loves reading about people’s hilarious online dating fails. Follow her on Twitter @VannTaiTweets.

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