Love In Lines, Relationships

[Love In Lines] Things I Miss About Being Single – Deborah Tan

Obviously, I have to be utterly sure and comfortable about my current relationship to write something like this. I’m confident that my boyfriend wouldn’t take offense in this article and he wouldn’t see it as me saying, “I really hate being with you.” No. This isn’t about regrets and making the wrong choices. It’s more about looking back into the past and picking out the things you loved best and still occasionally miss.

Being in a relationship is fun, especially when you enjoy the company of the person you’re with. But

Yep. There are a couple of things about being single that I miss sorely. You have to admit that sharing your space and life with another person can be trying and it is an exercise that requires practice and patience. As a singleton, you only have yourself to account to. As a couple, obviously there are decisions you need to make together. Although you may say, “Well, we pretty much lead our own lives,” you cannot deny that there exists – even a teensy weensy bit – in you the need to consider the other person whenever you make an important decision. This I-live-for-only-myself part is just one of the things I miss most about being single …

Enjoy your single life!

Enjoy your single life!

I miss … keeping a horrible diet
I am saying this without a tinge of irony or sarcasm. When I was living on my own, I pretty much ate whatever I wanted, no matter how appalling or how nutritionally-impoverished. As someone who hates eating by herself, I’d ignore my hunger till I could no longer do so. Then, I would cook myself a bowl of instant noodles. As a singleton, I was perfectly content calling chicken wings and beer dinner.

There was a feeling of laissez faire to that; that you are not hampered or tied down by a schedule, and you could eat whenever and whatever you fancy. Breakfast at 5pm? Sure!

I miss … being left alone
I think every coupled up person will agree with me on this. Some days, I just want to be left alone to “rot” on the bed and not have to feel “obliged” to get up and behave like a “useful” person. Do you also feel that living with someone else forces to you assume the facade of being “normal”? Even little quirks and bad behavior should be seen as an occasional joke and not something of a more chronic nature?

I miss … doing things my way and …
… not have to hear any protests or consider other suggestions. When I lived by myself, my shelves were always closed, my sinks were always wiped dry after use (okay, it is not a mark of psychosis!), and everything was pretty much left on their own with no one to move them around. Since having to live with someone else, I’ve had to put up with pleas to open the balcony door to “let some fresh air in”, nag at my boyfriend to do the dishes, cry murder if the bathroom is left in a sorry state after he uses them.

Furniture don’t argue back. Unless your house is home to a poltergeist, furniture also pretty much stay where they are! You don’t come home to a messed up couch, a sink filled with dirty dishes … when you are living on your own.

In the words of the part-time help who used to come clean my apartment once a week, “Now that your boyfriend is living with you, I have NO IDEA how to clean your place at all. It’s sooo … messy.” See what I mean?

Relish the time you have with YOU

Relish the time you have with YOU

Many singles fantasize about how life would be better if they have another person to share it with. When I was single, I’d imagine a well-dressed husband waiting for me at home, eager to take me out for a nice dinner. When I was single, I pictured how it would be so wonderful to snuggle up in bed with a guy on a weekend … instead, the reality is so, so far away.

I come home – most frequently – to a boyfriend with a Playstation controller in his hands, and on weekends, instead of wanting to snuggle, I’ve found I prefer to lock myself up in my bedroom just so I can get some quiet time to read.

I think the biggest allure of single life is that there is a POSSIBILITY, a chance that life could become what you imagine it to be. As a single, your life is only as fascinating as your imagination and fantasies, and that in itself makes life just a little bit more romantic. As a single, your life is your own to lead. What you eat, what you do, where you go, what you buy … you rarely have to ask anyone for his/her opinion.

So while I’m not saying I hate my life with Simon, I just want all you singletons out there to take a moment to relish your single life today. Yes, it is wonderful to have someone you love by your side during this year-end holiday season, but what is more wonderful is the realization that you don’t need another person to make your life beautiful – you are enough.

Yes, you alone are enough. Treasure this time you have with YOU and, with this, I wish you a Happy New Year!

Love In Lines is a special under the Relationship section of Material World. The four founders each takes a week in a month to talk about dealing with love from different perspectives. Founder Deborah Tan talks about the trials and tribulations of living together with a partner. Stay tuned for more!

About The Author: Deborah Tan is a founder of Material World. After 10 years of working in magazines Cleo and Cosmopolitan Singapore, she is now a freelance writer/editor who works on this website full-time. She likes liquid eyeliners, bright red lipsticks, tattoos, rock & roll, Mad Men, and Suits. She admits that Simon probably feels the same about his single life too. Follow her on Twitter @DebTanTweet.

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