Does it really matter who play witness at your wedding solemnization? I thought not but my dear sister begged to differ and this, got me thinking.
“This church is a bit too big for the wedding, don’t you think?”
“OK, people,” I texted to the Whatsapp group of friends helping me out with the wedding, “I need 2 names and IC numbers. For witnesses for the ROM thing. Anyone?”
My guy friend Navin texted back, “I can, if you don’t mind.”
“Of course not! One more, please!”
Then Rubina, our wedding planner, texted back saying she could be a witness too.
Set. We typed their details into the online form and were about to pay the $26 fee for booking a slot when my sister messaged, “The ROM is THE THING.”
She was insistent that my witnesses should be people I wouldn’t grow to hate. “What if Navin becomes your enemy in the future? His name is going to be on your wedding certificate forever!”
“Relax,” I replied. “It’s not like the wedding cert is going to be framed and hung up in the living room, right?”
Whose signatures are going on this?
“Up to you,” she said, “I can be your witness. At least I’m related to you and you can’t get rid of me.”
Well, everything worked out just fine. Turned out Rubina may not be in Singapore on the few available dates left in April and so Delphine, my sister, became the witness I “won’t be able to get rid of, come what may in the future”.
The entire episode lasted just 10 minutes. From my Whatsapp plea for witnesses to the final confirmation of who would be the 2 “unlucky” ones, the whole thing was settled in a matter of minutes. In fact, Vanessa went from witness-wannabe to witness to no-longer-a-witness during this whole time! But that got me thinking about something: I didn’t even realize this mattered.
To me, it was as simple as going down to an office to complete a form, a matter of administrative work. To my sister, and perhaps many brides-to-be, this somewhat innocuous act of signing on a piece of paper bears a considerable amount of significance. It is the “official” moment where one gives up her Single status and legally becomes a married.
Some couples plan an entire event around the ROM. They have a special dress for it, they gather a group of their closest and dearest to witness the moment, and they usually celebrate the affair with a lunch reception at a restaurant. Some couples – finding the ROM office a bit too “unromantic” – would apply to have the Justice Of Peace (JP) come to the church or the hotel to solemnize the wedding. Some even fly the JP overseas so they can officiate the whole thing in a scenic spot overlooking the ocean.
For me, I’m the bride who just wants to get the paperwork out of the way so we can properly plan for the fun part of the wedding without any care or worry.
The thing is: Why do we bother going the whole shebang when we famously always complain about the amount of red-tape one faces in running his/her daily life in Singapore? Almost everything in Singapore requires some kind of paperwork. To buy a car, one needs a certificate of entitlement. You cannot dream of running any business without applying for a license. Our men have to call in to inform the Ministry of Defense whenever they’re leaving the country for work or for a vacation. In Singapore, there is no theme church you can saunter into and get married in a moment’s notice … no! In fact, the only dates available – as we speak – are in April!
Wedding spontaneity, Vegas-style, is not possible in Singapore.
If you – like me – detest this bureaucratic killjoy, wouldn’t it make sense that you just want to get it done and over with as swiftly as you can? I wasn’t planning to invite anyone along for the ROM, except for the two witnesses. And, I hope it’s okay if we are not even planning to exchange rings at the ROM.
I don’t care if Elvis is my witness. I just want to have fun at my wedding.
You see, on the list of Most Unromantic Things To Do When You Get Married, the ROM is No. 3 after marriage preparation course and the medical check-up where the doctor confirms that you are both healthy, child-bearing adults.
Wouldn’t it be more fun if my ROM could be one where I have some Jon Bon Jovi lookalike sing “Thank You For Loving Me” live as a Steve Tyler lookalike walk me down the aisle of a not-really-a-church church. The dude officiating it could look like Slash or, better, Mick Jagger. Maybe a handful of drunk friends can be there but they probably won’t remember a thing the morning after. We will say our “I dos” and proceed to an all-nighter at a karaoke, where we will sing all kinds of love songs written by Man. I don’t want to have to lock in my ROM date three months’ ahead. I want to be able to ROM whenever my mood tells me, “OK, GO!”
At the end of the day, does it really matter what you do for the ROM or who is there to witness your ROM? Yes, the witnesses’ names are going to be on the certificate. Yes, it is legally momentous. But it is just a piece of paper that requires signatures and it plays no part at all in ensuring whether your marriage is going to last. I don’t even see why I have to be present physically to sign the cert when – like Internet banking – we can just do it all online and save the cab fare to Fort Canning.
The witnesses, while essential in the ROM process, can really be anybody. [Navin and Delphine, this isn’t to say we do not appreciate your participation here. We are truly grateful you guys are going to be taking time off for this]
It’s the person you are going to marry who better make sure he/she shows up! Failing which, we would really have some rom-com material on our hands.
Love In Lines is a special under the Relationship section of Material World. The four founders each takes a week in a month to talk about dealing with love from different perspectives. Founder Deborah Tan talks about the trials and tribulations of living together with a partner. Stay tuned for more!
About The Author: Deborah Tan is a founder of Material World. After 10 years of working in magazines Cleo and Cosmopolitan Singapore, she is now a freelance writer/editor who works on this website full-time. She likes liquid eyeliners, bright red lipsticks, tattoos, rock & roll, Mad Men, and Suits. She’s glad that her friends and sister are there to give the wedding some “gravity”. Follow her on Twitter @DebTanTweet.
This is not the end …
1. Here’s Why You Are Invited To A Wedding
2. [Love In Lines] Wedding Woes
3. [Love In Lines] He Proposed
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