In a world where seemingly every other person is married or coupled-up, my long-term single status is a source of curiosity for many. Over the years, I’ve had to field questions ranging from, “Don’t you get randy?”to “Aren’t you worried you’re never going to find someone?”
While I always try to deflect these questions – it’s nobody’s business anyway – they never fail to make me take a closer look at my single “situation”. My official party line is that I enjoy my freedom, and it’s true. I’ve never felt sad or incomplete simply because of my relationship status, but when such questions pop up, it makes me wonder if I’m in denial or burying my feelings.
Why do I say that? Because, while I’ve never felt sorry for myself for being single, there are times where I do miss the perks of being in a relationship. Some things I miss include having someone who gets all my jokes, having someone to go on non-awkward dates with (first dates are such a pain), and basically just someone who has my back, whom I can trust implicitly.
However, these are just occasional “relationship pangs”, and it’s never been a strong enough impetus for me to get serious about finding a boyfriend. I’m not someone who aggressively goes on dates or dating events in the hope of meeting someone. Call me naïve or a hopeless romantic, but I believe in letting nature run its course. Some people believe in “making your own luck”, and approach their love life the same way they would a career – strategically, and with goals clearly mapped out. For me, I’ve always believed in spontaneity, whether in life or love. Too much planning and plotting can take the fun out of the whole experience.
But that’s just me. If you’re someone who believes “dating is just a numbers game”, and that the more people you meet, the higher your chance of meeting someone, then by all means go ahead. In fact, there was a dating consultant in Singapore who openly shared how she went for over 80 first dates before she met her husband-to-be! (Then again, you also have people who marry their first loves, and are no less blissful.)
Whatever it is, I still firmly believe we shouldn’t be viewing marriage as an “end-goal”. For too long, we’ve been schooled that our lives should look a certain way (graduate -> date around -> get married -> have kids). But life is too capricious for us to follow any set templates. Isn’t it infinitely more liberating to take life as it comes, and enjoy every moment, instead of worrying about something that may/may not happen?
“To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.” – Oscar Wilde
Love In Lines is a special under the Relationship section of Material World. The four founders each takes a week in a month to talk about dealing with love from different perspectives. Founder Vanessa Tai talks about navigating the often-confusing world of singledom. Stay tuned for more!
About The Author: Vanessa Tai is a founder of Material World who has previously worked on magazines Simply Her and Cosmopolitan Singapore. Now a freelance writer and a full-time contributor to this website, the 26-year-old dreams of attending every single major music festival before she turns 30. Follow her on Twitter @VannTaiTweets.
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