Entertainment, Love, Relationships

10 Must-Know Ways He’ll Never Be Boyfriend Material – Matthew Fam

Is he into you? Is he not? And if he is, does he only see you as a one night stand? The madness ends NOW. Whether you’re dealing with someone out of your league, a playboy or complete sleazeball creep, the telltale signs are undeniable. Here, the 10 must-know ways he isn’t boyfriend material.

1. The Picture Sender
Rule of thumb: if a guy is totally into you, he’d want to share as much of his life as possible. This means sending snaps of anything under the Sun- his new haircut, the new GoPro camera he’s tricked out with, or even a meal that he whipped up (pssst… your cue to suggest a dinner date!) On the flipside, if your Whatsapp media folder has been flatlining, you know he’s a real dud.

emoji

Shut up now.

2. Emoji Overload
And just when you thought emoticons were bad enough. Emojis teeter on the date-defining line between adorable and totally nauseating. So imagine if your sweetie signs off each and. Every. Single. One of his texts with a parade of monkey faces. You’re dating a man- not babysitting a teenage kid.

3. Hanky Panky
Touch is essential for intimacy, no doubt. But having it five steps ahead of the game gives the impression that he’s only in it for your lady bits.

Signs to look out for instead? Eye contact, mimicking of body postures, and his pelvic region facing you (sounds insane, but seriously). Sometimes, subtlety does it.

tumblr_n20st9nAVV1tpkh8yo1_500

4. The Phantom Menace
Text. Flirt. Disappear. Repeat.  Sound familiar? Unless you’re settling for a flirtationship, you should find a chap who won’t string you along. Perhaps you could switch things up and make him the one to wait instead! Just remember: no crazy text spamming or instant replies that scream ‘psycho girlfriend’.

5.When the ‘L’ word is said FAR too soon
According to this article, men take 88 days on average to say ‘I love you’ to their girlfriends. And over 39% of those surveyed take the verbal plunge during the first month of their relationship. While this isn’t a compulsory guide, it should give you a fair gauge if your man is just saying romantic mush to appease you.

tumblr_mvocecDQXV1slj24go1_500 2 6. Payment In Kind
Let’s get one thing straight: him paying for your date is NOT an excuse for a free pass at you. And you absolutely shouldn’t feel obliged to entertain his advances. I mean, hello?? It drives home the message that you’re a commodity to be bought… and ain’t nobody got time for that!

7. Repeat Offender
Now, this technique requires some next-level snooping skills (and a sliiight breach of his privacy… just don’t get caught!) If the way he treated his past girlfriends fall into a pattern- same breakup excuse, same bad habits- you know he’s not likely to change his spots anytime soon!

Total. Deal. Breaker.

Total. Deal. Breaker.

8. When He Secretly Films You During Sex!
Ever wanted to be a YouTube celebrity? Well, the only kind of internet sensation you DON’T want to be is this!

Sure, sex is supposed to be fun, but this here is a major deal breaker. Aside from having a total lack of respect, recording lewd acts without consent is just way too creepy. Spot a suspicious red dot floating in the darkness of his room? Congratulations- you now have liberty to go apesh*t on his MacBook.

9. Phone Fiddler
We’re all guilty of the occasional phone checking- even during dates. But if he’s busier than a Bangalore call centre, dump the dude. Actions speak volumes, so if he can’t even commit that little bit of time for you, what more a longer-term relationship? If text replying is a must (could it be that he’s chatting up other ladies too??), how about having a 5-minute timeout instead?

10. Bad Body Odour
Deodorant; cologne; instruct man to scrub pits with Clorox… Or seriously, just don’t go out with him.

So, how do YOU judge if someone is boyfriend material? Share with us in the comments section below!

 

About the Author: Matthew Fam is a contributing writer of Material World, and has worked at Cosmopolitan Singapore as an intern and Contributing Beauty Assistant. He writes, teaches, and performs for the stage. Matthew enjoys museum visits, Singaporean Theatre, and spends too much of his undergraduate allowance on magazines.

 

If you liked this post, you might also like:

1. The 8 Times You’re A Total Biatch Without Knowing It – Matthew Fam

2. [Love In Lines] Why You Should Date Widely – Vanessa Tai

3. [Love In Lines] Is It Acceptable To Flirt When You’re Attached? – Tan Lili

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Deborah Tan, Opinions

10 Silly Things You May Have Done Because Of A Crush – Deborah Tan

Not sure if you remember this song by a singer named Jennifer Paige, it’s called “Crush”. A couple of days ago, I ran into some guy I used to have a crush on. As we exchanged pleasantries and provided general updates on what’s going with our lives, this super ol’ school song was on loop at the back of my mind. It’s silly, I know. That a woman approaching her mid-30s would still get a little dizzy when she runs into a crush but I’m pretty certain I’m not the only person suffering from this.

I’m also writing this post because two weeks ago, the Material Girls and a couple of our friends visited Tang Music Box again for a karaoke session. Then someone called up Westlife’s “If I Let You Go”. I must have been seriously drunk because I declared to the entire room, “BECAUSE OF THIS SONG, I TOLD A GUY I HAD A CRUSH ON HIIIIIM!” #notmybestmoment

The girls proceeded to ask, “And what happened!?!?!?”

“OF COURSE I FAILED LAH!” Cue fake wailing sounds of distress. “He rejected meeeee! And after that, I swore I would never tell a guy that I like him. HE HAS TO TELL ME FIRST!”

Laughter. Yep. I have known for a long time my friends are not the sympathetic sort.

A crush is defined as a “brief but intense infatuation on someone”. “Intense” is the word I’m going to highlight here. Have you ever done something you thought might increase the chances of your crush reciprocating your affection, only to realise how “silly” it actually was some years later?

I have. LOADS. And as I did a mental checklist of the silly things I had done to “win” the love of a crush, I figured you might have a couple or more in common with me. So here goes:

1. You pretended you were too good for him

tumblr_mvxk7n57Vb1qc06zco4_r1_250Whenever he was nearby, you were suddenly possessed by the need to one-up him. Whatever he said, you retorted with a snide remark, or you just had to say how you knew someone else who was so much better. Yep, pulverising the ego of your object of affection is definitely the way to win him over. Not.

 

2. You became his twin

tumblr_mr94wj5ICJ1rpm9hyo4_r1_250Sometimes, you didn’t take the “I’m too hot for you” route. Sometimes, you took the “I’m your missing half” road and became his twin. You started to talk like him, you started to like the same things as him … hands up if you have even taken it to the extreme by dressing to look like the female version of the dude.

 

3. You went for his best friend …

… hoping, perversely, it would ignite his competitive streak and then make him come after you! Obviously a case of too much Channel 8 drama series.

4. You tried to drag Fate into the picture by “accidentally” appearing at the same places as him

tumblr_mwk673IVSf1qj13ofo1_r1_250Ever waited for three trains to go by so you can “happen” to be on the same one as your crush? Then when you got onto the train, you pretended it’s all a “coincident” and tried to get him to believe that Fate really wanted the both of you in the same place, same time … like you were meant to be together?

 

5. You put on that “I’m looking for a hero” act

tumblr_mgl1oq2ew21rz2cbjo1_r1_400So tough love didn’t work? Okay, let’s go for the “I’m so vulnerable, I need to protection” angle. With this, you hoped he would rise up to the challenge and start taking charge! Inside, your scheming lil’ mind probably thought once he assumed the responsibility of taking care of you, he would want to own you.

 

6. You decided to adopt the “Lust first, love later” strategy

tumblr_m5mpm884SQ1rpm9hyo2_250You thought, “Yeah. Maybe if he can picture me naked or doing naughty, nasty things, he might be interested in me!” So you began to “innocently” say things like, “When I was getting out of my dress yesterday, the door bell rang! And I panicked a bit cos I was soooo worried I had forgotten to lock the door and the pizza man was going to come in …” Let’s hope we have all grown up and have learnt to respect ourselves a little bit more.

 

7. You became extremely particular about everything. Everything!

tumblr_mpjwmgoEiF1spiuxqo1_250In his presence, you became the one who’s been there, done that, tried everything! You started picking on Starbucks coffee when previously, you were totally okay with Coffee Bean Ice Blended. You wanted him to think you are such a sophisticated, worldly person, and he had to up his game to impress you. You assumed he was up for some kind of game and that he would see you as the ultimate reward.

 

8. You had to be the first one who has to go, who can’t stay long … and you said Goodbye in strange languages

tumblr_mkt7t9yezY1sn09zoo7_250“Oh! I’d looooove to stay but I can’t! I have other people to meet! Ciao!” You thought maybe if you pretended you had better places to be than be in his presence, he won’t smell the desperation on you. Saying goodbye in exotic languages also might lead him to think you were off to meet some mysterious exotic suitor, that he’d better hurry up and go after you before you leave this country for good. Again, “Damn drama lah!”

 

9. You tried to be friends with the parents

Yeah. Make the parents tell him who to fall in love with. TOTALLY GOOD IDEA. #pleasenotesarcasm

 

10. You made him your best friend

Or, became friends with benefits with him. The second type of arrangement might be complicated when things don’t work out, but the first one (the one you guys become best friends) is just downright manipulative. If you have a crush on someone, don’t ever make that person your best friend. Unless of course you are happy just staying best friends, that is.

Have I missed out anything? If so, tell me what was the one silly thing you did when you were nursing a crush on someone? C’mon, share! I told you 10 of mine!

About The Author: Deborah Tan is a founder of Material World. After 10 years of working in magazines Cleo and Cosmopolitan Singapore, she is now a freelance writer/editor who works on this website full-time. She likes liquid eyeliners, bright red lipsticks, tattoos, rock & roll, Mad Men, and Suits. Her face still heats up whenever she runs into guys she used to crush on. Follow her on Twitter @DebTanTweet.

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