Love In Lines, Relationships

[Love In Lines] When He Irritates the Hell Out of You – Denise Li

Denise Li’s fiance annoys the shit out of her on a regular basis, but when push comes to shove, she admits that she wouldn’t have it any other way. 

While I love the man to bits, and am supremely grateful for any time we get to physically spend together (such as the six weeks we have together right now in Belgium), I would have to be the most naive and most lovestruck of fools if I cannot admit that Alain sometimes annoys the crap out of me. Now, I’m not talking about the unwittingly annoying things a partner might do (leaving the toilet seat up or leaving the towel on the floor, for instance). I’m referring to instances of intentional, premeditated annoying behaviour.

Sometimes, Alain is even more annoying than this.

Trust me, Alain can be even more annoying than this.

For Alain, the list of annoying things he does includes, but is not limited to:

1. Making silly, random noises in a repetitive fashion

2. Tickling my armpits when I am least expecting it

3. Intentionally putting his leg over mine when we are lying down together even though he knows that it makes me feel trapped (I’m claustrophobic)


Now, when he does these things, it usually elicits one of three responses from me:

1. Pretend violence (such as a smacking him softly on the shoulder), coupled with loud verbal protestations

2. A half-hearted eye roll when I am too lethargic or exhausted or otherwise have no energy to react in any other way

3. I’m dismissive and wave it off

My default response to being annoyed

My default response when my partner is annoying the crap out of me

When I am caught off guard or simply in a bad mood, I do not take kindly to such annoying behaviour. I get immensely riled up, because why the hell can’t he understand that I just need quiet time alone instead of making me muster the energy to react to something stupid?

But if I think about it … really think about it … I have to say, I would have not have it any other way, cos, really, it could be so much worse.

Here are a list of things that could be worse than being ribbed/disturbed/annoyed by the man I love:

1. Being ignored completely

2. Being ignored completely because he’s always on his phone

3. Being ignored completely because he cannot be bothered to give a f*ck

4. Being ignored completely because he is totally indifferent to my presence

Indifference - the ultimate relationship killer

Indifference – the ultimate relationship killer

Indifference. That’s the ultimate relationship killer, and I should know because that’s what killed my last relationship. Indifference is worse than arguments and constantly fighting because it means that you or your partner simply do not care about your relationship anymore and what happens to it. If you’re still staying in the relationship, it’s more out of habit than love or concern for the other person.

When you’re indifferent to your partner, you are not bothered by how he reacts to you, and vice versa – it doesn’t matter to you either way if he pays any attention to you. You’re both happy leading separate lives.

Despite the knee-jerk response I sometimes have to Alain’s sometimes child-like behaviour, I would be very disturbed if I realised one day that he had stopped doing it, because it probably means that he no longer cares about making me laugh. It would mean that the easy camaraderie we have now has been extinguished for good. If Alain was no longer annoying, I should probably be alerted to the fact that my relationship is no longer what it was and likely dying a slow death.

So yes, Alain has the capacity to bug the hell out of me, but honestly, (very) deep down inside, I probably wouldn’t have it any other way.

Does your boyfriend or husband annoy you in the same way? What are your thoughts on that?

Love In Lines is a special under the Relationship section of Material World. The four founders each takes a week in a month to talk about dealing with love from different perspectives. Founder Denise Li talks about the trials and tribulations of being in a long-distance relationship. Stay tuned for more!

About the Author: Denise Li is a founder of Material World and a freelance writer-editor. Before that, she spent a few years in the Features section of CLEO and Cosmopolitan Singapore. She considers Chiang Mai her spiritual home and makes it a point to head there for a yearly pilgrimage. She’s also a fitness buff and enjoys training in MMA, and doing conditioning workouts. Follow her on Twitter @DeniseLiTweets and Instagram @smackeral83.

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