Friends, Relationships

The 9 Girlfriend Greetings Decoded – Matthew Fam

Girlfriend meetings are a major event. But does she secretly hate you? Or is she a genuine friend? With a dizzying range of implications that can be read from a single gesture, here are 9 hilarious interpretations of the many ways we say ‘hi’.

1. The A-line Hug 
Torsos that lean towards each other without actually touching. Sounds insincere? Guess again.

In our humid weather, a mere 10 minute walk in the muggy heat means damp bodies that don’t translate to fuzzy (and dry) girlfriend hugs. The last thing you want is a sweaty embrace! To compensate this, she’s giving you an A-line hug paired with gentle pats on the back as the best way to express affection without getting you drenched. Crown her the Considerate Girlfriend of the Year.

Not a fan of touchy greetings?

Not a fan of touchy greetings?

2. The Side Hug
Not everyone is all rainbows and unicorns when it comes to meeting people. Some of us just don’t like the excessive physical contact- and that’s okay. This adaptation of the full-on hug keeps touchy feely-phobes at ease with minimal contact. It’s also her way of saying, ‘I like you enough to let you lean against my head without seriously freaking out’.

3. The Air Kiss
This European greeting go-to might leave the average Singaporean girl a little taken aback. But when your girlfriend gives you air kisses across your cheeks, be flattered! She really just sees you as a fabulous queen diva worthy of such royal treatment. Sure, it may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but after a couple of beers on a Saturday night, actual propensity to perform said greeting increases ten-fold. Cheers to that!

tumblr_mubaiitjDx1sj5mzpo1_2504. The Bear Hug
Performed with two arms wrapped around a person, this method of hugging is usually accompanied with a gentle squeeze. However, don’t squander this warm greeting, lest you come across as being insincere. Or really annoying. The bear hug, best utilised after a major HTHT (heart-to-heart talk), speaks volumes of your assurance, comfort and protection.

Everybody now: a one, two, and—awww…

You are so darned cool with each other. Greetings are for losers.

You are too darned cool with each other. Greetings are for losers.

5. The Casual, Non-Touch
You’ve known each other for so long that niceties in greetings become superfluous nothings. When you do meet up, you’re both too darned hungry for a ceremonious ‘hello’, and just want to make a beeline for that empty table at lunch.

Forget hugs. Forget kisses. You love her to bits and she knows it already. And that’s what true BFFs are made of.

6. The Single-Arm Hug
Weekends are great for hanging out in town and shopping (Great Singapore Sale, anyone??) And with our Little Red Dot so tiny, it’s no surprise if you bump into a long-forgotten girlfriend! So what do you do? You appreciate her presence with a hug- great. But doing so with a single arm, and from the other dangling your shopping bags, could send a signal that she’s not worth the effort to lay. Your. Bags. Down.

Word of advice: Give her a good, heartfelt cuddle to show that your friendship is not half-off!

tumblr_inline_n6rahgXI1h1rwjrx37. The Glance-Over
When you find yourself being greeted with the– WAIT… Why are you even friends with people like this?? We’re talking about a Grade-A biatch move over here!

It’s all in the eyes. If she says ‘hi’ using a forced smile with eyes that remain unchanged, chances are, she’s not being sincere. Approach with caution and guard up, girl!

 

tumblr_n5iq44ty021qhclz3o3_250

No, I REALLY didn’t notice you!

8. The Pretender
You know that awkward moment when you see someone you know, but can’t quite tell whether to say ‘hi’ because she’s barely an acquaintance? You avert your gaze, but… uh-oh, too late. She calls your name, and you respond with an enthusiastic ‘HIII!!” (‘Was that too much?’ you ask yourself.)

Quick. Cover up! So you say, “Oh, I didn’t see you there!” (Liar.)

9. The Screamer
With our busy schedules, meetings with girlfriends are precious. There’s too much to catch up over a single sesh! YOU try to squeeze in entire love updates over power lunch- dare you. What the squeal does is to charge up your body for the intense amount of attention you’re going to be giving your girlfriend over the next info-packed hour or so. It’s a different kind of war cry.

Done with that? Okay. Now let’s get down to business: spill the deets!

 

So, how do you greet your girlfriends? Share with us in the comments section below!

About the Author: Matthew Fam is a contributing writer of Material World, and has worked at Cosmopolitan Singapore as an intern and Contributing Beauty Assistant. He writes, teaches, and performs for the stage. Matthew enjoys museum visits, Singaporean Theatre, and spends too much of his undergraduate allowance on magazines.

 

If you liked this post, you might also like:

1. 10 Reasons Why It’s Great To Be A Diva – Matthew Fam

2. How To Comfort Someone – Tan Lili

3. The 8 Times You’re A Total Biatch Without Knowing It – Matthew Fam

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