Does choosing to have only one child make the parent a selfish person? In this week’s Material Moms, mother-of-one Deborah Giam shares why she doesn’t regret her decision one bit.
Ever since I had Little Miss, one question I constantly get from people is this: “So, when are you going to have another one?”
I’m fairly certain I’m not the only mother-of-one who dreads hearing that.
At a friend’s wedding lunch recently, an old school mate was at the same table. She herself has one child, but obviously wants to have a few more. She asked me casually if I wanted the same. When she heard my reply in the negative, she was flabbergasted. “But why don’t you want to have another one?”; “Little Miss would be so lonely without another sibling.”; “C’mon, you have to have another one.”; “You already have a kid. What’s another one?”; “Really? Are you sure you don’t want to have more kids?”
It was like that throughout the entire lunch. By the end of it, I was more than ready to down a bottle of wine by myself and go straight home.
Here’s the thing: I work full-time and we survive on my income. Every cent I earn goes either to paying for Little Miss’ things, or towards the household. My friend doesn’t. She runs her own business and has a fairly robust trust fund. It’s easier for someone who can pay to get as much help as possible, to have as many kids as she wants.
Unfortunately, that isn’t my situation. It wasn’t that I’d planned to only have one child. In the past, I had always thought that maybe I’d have two or three kids. Life, though, has other plans for me.
But do I think Little Miss suffers because of it? I don’t think so.
No one will ever fight with her for snacks. I’m not kidding. She’s usually more than willing to share the snacks with me, but only because there isn’t anyone else there trying to steal them from her. She’s possessive that way.
She’s comfortable talking to people older than her. Little Miss loves having conversations with not only me, but almost anyone who cares to listen to her (if she’s not in a shy mood, that is). She loves showing the books and toys she has to people, and can come up with really interesting theories about them. Come to think of it, I kinda love having conversations with her too.
She gets my undivided attention. On weekends, I love finding out what she wants to do and then making it happen with her. Whether it’s spending a day at the beach or simply hanging out at home to cook, the time we spend together is truly precious to me because she is the centre of my world.
So, no, I do not plan to have another child. It’s my choice and mine alone – and I make damned sure I give my all to my only daughter.
About the author: Deborah Giam is a full-time digital native, having worked and played in the online world for most of her life. Her second job is mother to a precocious four-year-old who loves dinosaurs, airplanes and Hello Kitty. Forget designer labels she’s happiest in an old-school world shooting with film, traveling the world and exploring new places. See more of her travels and photographs at www.livinglavidaholga.wordpress.com.